Keeping It Real

Okay, so I'm reading the August 31 edition of EW (yes, I know, I'm a week behind) and they have a short interview with Kristen Bell about what she's been up to since Veronica Mars was canceled. Apparently, she's made a couple of movies and is about to join the cast of Heroes, which is all well and good. And then I come to this comment:

"I have the mouth of a sailor. I have to remember not to drop F-bombs when I'm ordering my lunch. Nothing is supposed to be offensive about it, it's just meant to be real." (emphasis mine)

Now, not to put words - or F-bombs - in her mouth, but what "meant to be real" actually means is "that's the way people really talk" or possibly "that's the way real people talk", which has a slight whiff of denigration to it. Like Kevin Smith, she apparently feels that "real" conversations - in which people let their hair down and say what they really think - are laced with profanity because that's, well, just the way people talk. Unless, of course, you're giving an interview to a mass-market entertainment magazine, in which case you must censor your words because even though "nothing is supposed to be offensive about it", it might just, you know, offend someone.

My first thought, when I'm privy to conversations where every other word is the F-bomb, is that the people involved are just ignorant, or if not, just being intellectually lazy. But on second thought, the real meaning is entirely different. While it may not be meant to offend - I question that - the real intent is to separate. At bottom, the indiscriminate use of language like that is a form of tribalism, an effort to establish the boundaries of the group. Simply put, keeping it real is code for if you talk like that, you're one of my crowd, my "peeps". If you don't, then you're not.

Just so you know, I'm not offended by the F-bomb, having been known on occasion to use it myself. But if coming up with new and different ways to use it in a sentence is the price of admission to the real crowd, I guess you'll just have to call me "un" real.

Owning Up

Well, it's Labor Day and we all know what that means. Yep, it's time for me to look back and see how my Summer Movie Predictions turned out. For those of you who don't recall that shimmering post, check here. Go on. Read it. As an example of deathless prose, it's unsurpassed. Really. My cat loved it.

Done? Good. So, how'd I do? All things considered, I'd say not too bad.

Here are my pics:

1. Spidey (First Out, First In)
2. Transformers
3. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
4. Pirates 3
5. Shrek 3
6. Surf's Up
7. Rush Hour 3
8. Live Free or Die Hard
9. The Bourne Ultimatum
10. The Simpsons Movie

And here's how the Summer turned out: (According to the IMDb Website - last update 9/2/07)

1. Spiderman 3
2. Shrek the Third
3. Transformers
4. Pirates 3
5. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
6. The Bourne Ultimatum
7. Ratatouille
8. Knocked Up
9. The Simpsons Movie
10. Live Free or Die Hard

As you can see, I picked the top movie, the top 5 movies (although not in the correct order) and 8 of the top 10. Batting .800 in anyone's book isn't too shabby. On the other hand, it could be argued that this summer was a relatively easy one to pick, given the number of sequels and the high probability of their success, so go ahead, pop my balloon. I wasn't planning on quitting my day job anytime soon, anyway.

Now, then. What have I learned from the experience? First, never, ever bet against Pixar. And second, never underestimate the power of Jessica Alba in spandex.

Update: Per LA Guy, I realize that Knocked Up should have made the list at #8 - for some reason, IMDb has KU as being released in 2006, which is why I missed it - kicking Rise of the Silver Surfer off the list. So maybe in the next sequel Jessica Alba needs to imitate that other Jessica (Biel) and show some skin. Who knows? That might just get them into the top 5.

What's In a Name?

Over at the Washington Post, Monica Hesse looks at one of the obstacles to Fred Thompson's presidential aspirations - namely, his, um, name: (h/t Best of the Web)

In the swampy soup of hopefuls for the 2008 presidential election, there is a man with a funny name. (No, not that one.)

We're thinking of the one named Fred (Thompson).

Say it out loud. Do it. Fred. Fred. In the South, Fray-ud.

Fur-red-duh.

It has the tonal quality of something being dropped on the floor, something heavy and damp-ish.

Waterlogged paper towel.

Fred.

The phonetics of the name seem integral to its image problem: On Urbandictionary.com, a "Fred" is defined as "a person who does stupid, annoying, or idiotic things" (Fred Flintstone, Fred Mertz). The best-case descriptors a Fred can hope for are terms like well-intentioned, predictable, benign (Fred Rogers).

Clearly, Ms. Hesse is going for the funny here, but as James Taranto points out, she might have chosen a different source, or has she looked up Urbandictionary.com's definition of her first name lately? You can find it here.

With that in mind, I decided to look up other potential presidential first names: Rudy, Mitt, Hillary, and, of course, Obama.

You know, by this yardstick, that Rudy guy might have some potential.

You can look up your name here.

On the Bookshelf

Now that I've had my Harry Potter fix, I'm re-reading William Goldman's Marathon Man, to be followed by its lesser known sequel, Brothers.

William Goldman was a huge influence on both my reading and writing back in the day. I saw the movie Harper when I was thirteen, No Way to Treat a Lady two years later (even though he didn't write the screenplay) and, like most people, I was blown away by Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid in 1969. I saw Marathon Man the first day it opened and was treated to a copy of the book as a promotional tie-in.

From a writing standpoint, Goldman's real legacy - other than perhaps The Princess Bride - is his work on screenwriting: Adventures in The Screen Trade and Which Lie Did I Tell?. Along with Stephen King's Danse Macabre (and perhaps King's On Writing), these books offer the best guide to how a writer thinks and what goes on the creative mind.

If you're a writer or just interested in how it happens, I can't recommend them highly enough.

The Ghosts of November

Not quite the romance of the Titanic, but still: (h/t The Buzz)

DETROIT — An apple farmer and his family believe they've found a life ring from the Edmund Fitzgerald roughly 200 miles away from where the famed ship sank in Lake Superior 32 years ago.

Of course, there are questions and skeptics, and the whole thing may turn out to be a hoax, but tell me you didn't feel a chill when you saw the words Edmund Fitzgerald.

"In a musty old hall in Detroit they prayed,
In the Maritime Sailors' Cathedral.
The church bell chimed till it rang twenty-nine times
For each man on the Edmund Fitzgerald.
The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they call 'Gitche Gumee'.
Superior, they said, never gives up her dead
When the gales of November come early"

Did you feel it?

Soundtracks

I love movie soundtracks almost as much as I love movies themselves - I am the Movie Slut, after all - and I've recently stumbled on a website that's a soundtrack lover's wet dream. It's called StreamingSoundtracks and it's exactly what the name implies: a website devoted to nothing but movie (and TV) soundtracks.

It's free to join, although you can become a VIP member for around $50 a year, and you make requests for specific cuts from a soundtrack. As I write this, for example, a cut from the soundtrack to The Last Mimzy is playing, to be followed by one from Havana, then one from Hercules (TV) and so on.

The end result is hours of interesting music that never gets boring. While I recognize many of the cuts, I frequently find myself clicking on the queue to see what movie the music is from.

Trust me, if you love movies, you'll want to listen.

Note: You can listen through Winamp or Windows Media Player but you may have to download a plug-in to do so.

Post Potter

So, the final book has been released, read in one joyous straight-through 18-hour marathon, re-read in a more leisurely fashion, lovingly tucked into the bookcase beside books 1 - 6, and now, in the aftermath, I am left with a curious combination of satisfaction, sadness and ennui. And, of course, the inevitable question:

What's next?

Although Rowling is smart enough to never say "never", I'll be very surprised if she writes another Harry Potter story. The coda she put on the series caps things nicely and as she put it in the final chapter (before the epilogue), Harry's earned a rest. Certainly, the world of magic she created is large enough for her to set other stories in it, but will she?

It's unfortunate - and, once again, inevitable - that everything she writes from now on will be compared to the HP series and will likely, at least by some, be found wanting. No matter. Harry Potter will be read by children and adults alike for generations to come. Whatever else she writes, her legacy is secure.

For the record, I loved Deathly Hallows. Having re-read the first six books before tackling book 7, it's clear how much the series had grown from her initial imaginings. Like the children she wrote about, the books became older, wiser, deeper and darker than I suspect she ever realized they would. The kids grew up and the world she created grew with them.

Taken as a whole, the Harry Potter series is an immense achievement. It has been an enormous pleasure to be among the first to read these books and the only appropriate thing to say right now is: Thank you, J.K. Rowling. I will be forever grateful to you and your creation.

And now, onward.

The Inevitable

Well, it's happened. Some one has apparently posted portions - if not all - of Deathly Hallows online. No, I'm not going to link to it and yes, I'm going to do my best for the next few days to avoid all mention of spoilers.

I don't, however, have any problems with speculating. Check here for the Soccer Dad's predictions and here for some more.

Me? I'm going to see Order of the Phoenix again.

Climbing on Board

Over at JustOneMinute, Tom Maguire is in full Harry Potter mode:

In anticipation of the grand finale to the Harry Potter series let me tell you right now how some major plot points will turn out. And just so you know - I am so right about some of these things that you may as well call them spoiler alerts. And my credentials? I have not one but two high schoolers who have memorized the six books and are reigning trivia champs at their respective schools; I merely pass along their distilled wisdom.

I'm not so sure you can call his predictions "spoilers", after all, he also bet the bank on the 7th book being published on 7/7/07 so...

It's also interesting to follow the money and see how the betting is going, both in the UK and here.

Developing...

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Yes, it's Harry Potter Week here at the Teahouse, in which all things HP will be discussed, fawned over, wished for, worried about and otherwise geeked until Friday night at midnight, when the final book is released. At that point, all public activity will cease until I've had the chance to read through it at least once and then, well, we'll see...

So, first up is Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, or HPOP, or HP5, or whatever else you might want to call it. I went and saw it yesterday and here are my first impressions:

I liked it. A lot. New director David Yates and new screenwriter Michael Goldenberg have risen to the challenge of adapting the longest book of the series and given us a movie that's worthy of the series, one that's pared to the bone and races along faster than Harry's broomstick. The returning actors are all outstanding - it's a joy to see the Dursley's again, for however brief a period - and the new casting choices, specifically Imelda Staunton as Dolores Umbridge and Evanna Lynch as Luna Lovegood, are wonderful.

The veteran cast reads like a who's who of British acting royalty and you do wish they could be given more to do, but ultimately it's the "kids" who bear the weight of this series and the good news is that Dan, Emma, Rupert and Matthew Lewis (as Neville) are more than up to the task.

There are quibbles, of course, but I'm not going to dwell on them now. If you're a Harry Potter fan and you haven't already seen it, what are you waiting for? If you're not a fan, go see it anyway and maybe you'll glean an inkling of what all the fuss is about. You won't understand a lot of it without knowing the books and the earlier movies, but you'll get enough, I think, to make you want to learn more.

And that's a start. Who knows, by the end of the week, you may be lining up with the rest of us - dress robes freshly pressed, wand at the ready - to buy the final book.

Weather Report

When you blog you often find out about certain things faster than you would otherwise.

Take the weather, for instance.

The last few days here in Vermont have been pretty nasty - wet, humid, drippy - the kind of days where just moving around makes it seem as if you have a runny faucet stuck in your head. Yet, when I read James Lileks (who blogs from Minnesota), he's been saying that it's in the low 70's and feels more like fall than summer. Hence, I know what's coming.

And today, thank goodness, it's arrived. The sun is shining, the air is relatively dry, and it looks like a perfect day to do something outdoors like tending a garden, playing golf or just going for a walk. In Vermont, you have to take advantage of those days when you get them because we only get around 50 completely sunny days a year (on average) and half of those are when it's -10, so...

Of course, I have to work but I will, at least, be outdoors for a good part of it.

Still, it's only early July so the wet, humid, drippy stuff will be back - yes, Virginia, it does get nasty up here, even in the summertime. In fact, there are times when I prefer the cold, freezing temps of winter to the dreary, buggy humidity of summer. Everything gets clammy; your sheets stick to you, your clothes feel like the dryer quit halfway through its cycle, the floors sweat, making it dangerous to walk in the kitchen or bathroom, and the carpet absorbs so much moisture that any past feline or human indiscretion comes back to haunt your nose like Marley's Ghost.

Yes, a dehumidifier or air-conditioner would help but I can't afford the first and the second would have to be professionally installed, owing to the fact that I live in a town home that has a home owner's association that can't bear the thought of seeing the arse end of an AC unit sticking out of a tenant's window, so...

But today, it's truly, awesomely gorgeous. I'd better take a few minutes to enjoy it before it passes.

Perceptions

Over at the Dlbert Blog, Scott Adams poses a question:

Let’s say your spouse decides to cook you an extra special meal. It’s your favorite. It takes him/her a lot of work. You enjoy the meal and naturally offer to do the cleaning up by yourself.

But here’s the kicker: Your spouse loves to cook, and you hate to clean up, especially after a long day and a big meal. As you wipe down the table and wash the extra-high pile of pots and pans from the extra-special meal, which thought do you have?

1. My spouse gave me something special tonight.

2. I got screwed in this deal.

I have to confess that the scenario which popped into my mind immediately after reading this would lead me to answer "Both".

The scenario? Trying to get comfortable in the wet spot just after having sex.

First, They Came for Our Cars...

More global warming idiocy:

July 10 (Bloomberg) -- If one of the more extreme responses to global warming comes true, driving a sports car anywhere but on a racetrack might be relegated to history's dustbin.

Fast, powerful cars within a few years may be outlawed in Europe, an idea that has been raised ostensibly because Ferraris and Porsches produce too much carbon dioxide. For those who abhor sports cars as vulgar symbols of affluence (along with vacation homes, furs and fancy jewelry), such a ban could be a two-fer: Saving the planet while cutting economic inequality.

D'oh!

Somehow, it all makes sense now. As Homer might say "Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try".

Oh, wait...

Custom Cuts

Over at Word Around the Net, Christopher Taylor has an interesting post up about the movie, Blade Runner. The main point of the post is that - in this case, at least - the original, studio cut of the film is better than the Director's Cut that was issued on DVD a few years later. All of which brings up the question of who really does know best when it comes to an artistic creation.

The theatrical release of the film included a voice-over by Harrison Ford as Rick Deckard, the titular character assigned to terminate the replicants who have broken the law by coming to earth. The voice-over was designed to add more of a film-noir aspect to the movie and also help explain some of the narrative that might otherwise be confusing. The director, Ridley Scott, objected to the studio version and released his Director's Cut on DVD. The original did well at the box office and is considered a classic of the genre. The DVD has sold well, although my understanding is that a "definitive" version of the film won't be released until later this year.

So, which one is the better film?

Chris Taylor feels the studio release is better and, after watching the Director's Cut the other night, I would agree with him. But does that make us right? I mean, what is the criteria for judging? Is it strictly popularity? The truth is, neither version of the film is one of my favorites, but if I had to pick one, I'd pick the theatrical version as the one I liked better. The movie has a lot of things going for it: Interesting characters, good casting, excellent cinematography and groundbreaking special effects, and a story that makes you think.

However, it is remorselessly downbeat in its attitude, with a very bleak outlook on humanity and the future. The saving grace of the theatrical version - and the point of the studio interference, I think - is that it leaves you with the hope that Deckard and Rachael may somehow surmount their grim future or at least live their few remaining years with some measure of happiness. The ending of the Director's Cut reminds me of Alien 3, which, while also a well-made, well-told, visually arresting film, leaves you with an ending that makes you wonder why in the hell you ever invested any time or emotion in the characters to begin with.

But that's just me. So does that make my reaction to the director's version the right one? If 60% of the people who watch it agree with me, does that mean the director was clueless about his own film? I would argue that the point of any artistic work is to be read, seen, etc. but is it necessarily to be liked? Ridley Scott might very well respond to my reaction to his version and say "Well, guess what? That's the film I wanted to make and if you don't like it, tough rocks".

Of course, in Hollywood the name of the game is money and any film that doesn't make any (or enough) is, by definition, a failure. From that standpoint, the studio changes make sense because it led to a more successful release. But how would you feel if you wrote a story or made a film that became wildly popular only after someone else got hold of it and made changes to it that you didn't agree with?

Would you still feel like it was your story? And how much would that matter?

Yankee Doodle

A few years ago, Vermont Senator Patrick Leahy tried to have Lake Champlain designated a "Great Lake". Now, no one actually believed - even in Vermont - that Lake Champlain qualifies for that status - I mean, look at a map, for crying out loud - but that wasn't the point. No, the reason was simple: money. Senator Leahy was trying to grab some of the funds the Feds dish out each year for the care and maintenance of the lakes, something which Lake Champlain needed then and still needs. Senator Leahy's attempt to have our lake designated "Great" failed and, as I like to point out to visitors to Vermont, what we have here is a "pretty good" lake.

Now, some might call the Senator's efforts noble, some might call them misguided but what no one can argue with is that he told a lie, or what the good Irish stock from which Leahy comes would call a "makeeup". Like the myth of the Lake Champlain Monster - called "Champ", naturally - Leahy tried to stretch the truth a bit to get what he wanted for his home state. And since stretching the truth and members of congress are not mutually exclusive terms, there no reason for any of us to be surprised or shocked by this.

So why bring it up? Glad you asked.

This past Sunday, Senator Leahy had the following exchange with host Tim Russert on "Meet the Press":

SEN. LEAHY: ...what I don’t want is this open-ended idea that they had at the White House, until the press found out about it, which would allow, for example, if they didn’t like some comment that you made on NBC, they could then go without any warrant, wiretap your phone, check out your bank account, surveil you. Well, we don’t want that in America.

MR. RUSSERT: Even if I had no contact with someone overseas?

SEN. LEAHY: Even if you had no contact with someone overseas under the broad way that they were talking about...I don’t want us to ever go back to the situation that we had 30 years ago when we put into place this FISA court, as you called it, where they were wiretapping somebody who disagreed with the government on the Vietnam war. In this case, somebody disagrees with the administration on the Iraq war, under their broad views, you could just go in and wiretap them. This, this is America. This is not a, this is not a dictatorship.

So Senator Leahy is concerned about domestic wiretapping and the stifling of political dissent. Fair enough. However, here is the Vice-President describing the program he's talking about:

"This notion [is] peddled out there by some that this is, quote, 'domestic surveillance' or 'domestic spying.' No, it's not. It is the interception of communications, one end of which is outside the United States, and one end of which, either outside the U.S. or inside, we have reason to believe is al-Qaeda-connected. Those are two pretty clear requirements, both of which need to be met."

Now, as James Taranto of Best of the Web points out, based on the above statement by the VP, Leahy's statement about the administration's intent with this program is either a "shocking revelation or a scurrilous charge" and the Senator should either back it up or stop making it up.

But then, maybe Senator Leahy still believes he's got a Great Lake to support.

Waiting

Okay, so a year ago today I posted this. A week from now the 5th movie will open and 8 days after that, the final book will appear. And I guess I'm reminded of the question posted last year:

Then what?

The series will be done (if Rowling sticks to her word). All the secrets will be revealed, we'll know who lives and who doesn't, and the story of the "boy who lived" will come full circle. For many of us, it will be Christmas in July. But no matter how good the final book is, there's going to be a letdown.

There are many wonderful "firsts" in life: your first kiss, your first time riding a bike, driving a car, etc. All of us can look back over our life and remember our "firsts", some of them good and some not-so-good, but all of them memorable and all of them unique. There is only one first time to do anything and while it may seem strange to put reading a book in the category, I think it fits.

I remember vividly being introduced to "The Lord of the Rings", for example, and my first Stephen King book (The Shining). I can remember my first introduction to so many wonderful writers: John D. Macdonald, James Ellroy, Richard Matheson, Elmore Leonard, Neal Stephenson, William Goldman, and on and on. There is nothing like the experience of having an author wrap you in his or her world for the first time, taking you by the hand and leading you into a land of love or terror or excitement - or maybe all of them at once - and all the time gently whispering in your ear "It's okay. I've got you. Don't worry. Just keep going." Like your father running alongside as you pedal furiously on your Schwinn and then, suddenly, he's not there and you're on your own, flying down the sidewalk, the threshold crossed, and now the new world is yours to make of what you will.

For the past couple of months, I've been re-reading all the Harry Potter books, in anticipation of the last. I've taken my time, lingering over certain passages, racing through others, and I'm now about a third of the way through Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. My goal is to finish it the day before the final book is released.

In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the moments leading up to the final book. Much of the joy of a thing is the anticipation of it; the waiting and wanting, the little tingle that runs through your skin when you think about it. For now, I will read all the stories and gossip and rumors that surround the book - that's all part of the fun. Once out, I will do my best to tune out all of the spoilers and reviews and savor the experience, linger over it, stretch it out for as long as I can.

After all, the first time only happens once.

Will Work for Space Travel

Okay, so I'm thinking of taking a vacation and I'm just a little short of funds. Of course, it's not just any vacation:

You don't have to pack your bags quite yet, but passenger travel to the Moon is on the flight manifest of a space tourist company.

The price per seat will slap your wallet or purse for a swift $100 million - but you'll have to get in line as the first voyage is already booked.

Space Adventures, headquartered in Vienna, Virginia, is in negotiations with the customers who will fly the first private expedition to circumnavigate the Moon.

So, if you have some spare change, could you help a fella out? (h/t Instapundit)

Hot Stuff

For those of you not in New England, the weather here the last couple of days has been awful. Highs in the mid 90's, lows not cracking 70 and me with no AC. Consequently, my addle pated brain hasn't felt much like blogging. Regular posts will resume when the cool air starts to flow again.

Or if someone wanted to come to Vermont and be my personal fanner (fanny? no, that doesn't sound right), that would be okay, too.

On the plus side, the fireflies are starting to arrive and that's always a sure sign of summer. When we moved east in the early 90's to upstate New York, I used to have a nightly ritual where I'd carry my daughter outside so she could say good night to them. Since coming to Vermont, there seems to have been a blight of sorts, as they haven't been very plentiful.

The last couple of years, however, they seem to be making a comeback, which is nice. There is something very cool about watching them sidle past your window, their little cabooses twinkling in the darkness.

...and the Short of It

Now here's something I can look forward to:

The Long...

Would you guys make up your minds?

Solar scientists predict that, by 2020, the sun will be starting into its weakest Schwabe solar cycle of the past two centuries, likely leading to unusually cool conditions on Earth. Beginning to plan for adaptation to such a cool period, one which may continue well beyond one 11-year cycle, as did the Little Ice Age, should be a priority for governments. It is global cooling, not warming, that is the major climate threat to the world...

Good Writing

Scott Adams tells us how to write better:

Write short sentences. Avoid putting multiple thoughts in one sentence. Readers aren’t as smart as you’d think.

Father's Day

"Like a night of sex can haunt you forever."

Searching for Otisburg

Lex Luthor: Costa Del Lex. Luthorville. Marina del Lex. Otisburg... Otisburg?

Otis: Miss Tessmacher, she's got her own place.

Lex Luthor: Otisburg?

Otis: It's a little bitty place.

Lex Luthor: [Angrily] Otisburg?

Otis: Okay, I'll just wipe it off, that's all. Just a little town. [Erases Otisburg]

Map courtesy of Stoat Weasel. (h/t Word Around the Net)

True Confession

I watched Xanadu last night for the first time in years, and it was as bad as I remembered it. If there's ever a blueprint needed for all that was bad about the 80's, this movie is it.

And yet...I liked it.

The music - some of it, anyway - still holds up. Olivia Newton John remains the definition of White-Bread-Sexiness. The musical interlude in the middle of the film combining 40's swing with 80's synth holds up very well (and any movie with "Fee" Waybill in it deserves some cred).

And, finally, there's Gene Kelly. Yes, he's old and yes, you're wondering why in the world he'd agree to do this film (which was his last), but it doesn't matter. He's Gene Kelly and even in this POS, he's still got it.

All of which reminds me that there are a number of good/bad movies from the era that will probably be the subject of a future post. In the meantime, tell me if you have any movies that - as bad as they are - you can't help but watch them.

My Life As a Movie

This sounded like fun, so here goes: (h/t Asymmetrical Information)

Here’s how it works:
1. open your library (iTunes, winamp, media player, iPod)
2. put it on shuffle
3. press play
4. for every question, type the song that’s playing
5. new question– press the next button
6. don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool

Results:

Opening Credits

Lay Your Love On Me - Abba

Waking Up

Full Moon - Elvira

First Day at School

Bossa Baroque – Dave Grusin

Falling in Love

Cousin Dupree – Steely Dan

Breaking Up

Your Bright Baby Blues – Jackson Browne

Prom

True Companion – Russ Freeman and the Rippingtons

Life's Okay

Winter Wonderland – Dean Martin

Mental Breakdown

Home – Sheryl Crow

Driving

The Beginning – Bram Stoker’s Dracula (Soundtrack)

Flashback

Bluestreak – Tom Scott and the LA Express

Getting back together

Ring Out Solstice Bells – Jethro Tull

Wedding

Hello Beastie – POTC Dead Man’s Chest (Soundtrack)

Birth of a child

Corey’s Coming – Harry Chapin

Final Battle

Shape of my Heart - Sting

Death Scene

Doctor Finklestein/In the Forest – Nightmare Before Christmas (Soundtrack)

Funeral Song

You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch – How The Grinch Stole Christmas (Soundtrack)

End Credits

Christmas All Over Again – Home Alone 2 (Soundtrack)

Some of these made me laugh out loud - notably the Marriage and Funeral Song - and some are weirdly appropriate. I could have gamed the results a bit by excluding my soundtracks and jazz cds, plus I've got close to 40 years of music still in album form and I'm still in the process of making them digital (for example, I have only 2 Beatles CDs, but I have every one of their albums on vinyl). So, once I get my music collection complete - or as complete as I can make it - my results my differ quite a bit

Still, this was a fun experiment and one you might want to try yourself.

"Preserving a Teahouse Takes Infinite Patience"

Just in case you were wondering why I don't post every day. (h/t Best of the Web)

Greetings From the "Switzerland of North America"

My brother wonders if he'll need a passport to visit me:

At Riverwalk Records, the all-vinyl music store just down the street from the state Capitol, the black “US Out of Vt.!” T-shirts are among the hottest sellers. But to some people in Vermont, the idea is bigger than a $20 novelty. They want Vermont to secede from the United States – peacefully, of course.

Disillusioned by what they call an empire about to fall, a small cadre of writers and academics hopes to put the question before citizens in March. Eventually, they want to persuade state lawmakers to declare independence, returning Vermont to the status it held from 1777 to 1791.

*Sigh*

I know, I know. There aren't any more kooks in Vermont than there are anywhere else - they just stand out more. Still, it's just sad, you know? We live in the greatest country in the world, with more freedom and opportunity to live our lives the way we want than any other place you could think of, and these yo-yo's make it seem as though we're living in the last days of Caligula's Rome. Oh, wait. Wasn't that the 90's?

Personally, I loved this bit:

Thomas Naylor, 70, a retired Duke University economics professor and author, wrote the manifesto and founded a secession group called Second Vermont Republic.

His 112-page manifesto contains little explanation of how Vermont would make do without federal aid for security, education and social programs. Some in the movement foresee a Vermont with its own currency and passports, for example, and some form of representative government formed once the secession has taken place.

Yeah, and our currency would look like this:

"We're All Phone Ladies in the End"

Once again, Lileks nails it.

As I look back over my life, I've never had a job with any kind of security. Oh, I thought I had, a couple of times. I never thought I'd be unceremoneously dumped when I managed a small furniture store in SoCal for ten years, but I was. I never heard the dot-com bubble pop when I was in the computer biz in the mid-nineties. And I never felt the hot breath of the Federated Grim Reaper on my neck in my last gig at Filacy's.

But as it turned out, I was a phone lady in each case.

I think maybe it's time to talk about what I've been up to for the last several months.

For Pic Lovers

Some interesting thumbs over at Goodshit.

Show Biz Kids

Via the New York Times, we learn that Internet Porn isn't paying like it used to:

The online availability of free or low-cost photos and videos has begun to take a fierce toll on sales of X-rated DVDs. Inexpensive digital technology has paved the way for aspiring amateur pornographers, who are flooding the market, while everyone in the industry is giving away more material to lure paying customers.

And unlike consumers looking for music and other media, viewers of pornography do not seem to mind giving up brand-name producers and performers for anonymous ones, or a well-lighted movie set for a ratty couch at an amateur videographer’s house.

Amateurs flooding the market, eh? Hmmm. And then we came across this:

When it comes to penises, length matters more to men than to women, according to a new study that reviews more than 60 years of research and debunks numerous sex myths.

About 90 percent of women actually prefer a wide penis to a long one, according to two studies included in the review. Eighty-five percent of women reported being satisfied with their partner’s penis size, compared to only 55 percent for men.

Okay, so here's my proposal: Would a vidcam showing a decidedly amateurish 53 year-old male with a fat penis attract many viewers? All you men in the audience, put your hands down.

Didn't think so.

When is a Consensus Not a Consensus?

When it doesn't exist: (h/t Instapundit)

Only an insignificant fraction of scientists deny the global warming crisis. The time for debate is over. The science is settled."

So said Al Gore ... in 1992. Amazingly, he made his claims despite much evidence of their falsity. A Gallup poll at the time reported that 53% of scientists actively involved in global climate research did not believe global warming had occurred; 30% weren't sure; and only 17% believed global warming had begun. Even a Greenpeace poll showed 47% of climatologists didn't think a runaway greenhouse effect was imminent; only 36% thought it possible and a mere 13% thought it probable.

Today, Al Gore is making the same claims of a scientific consensus, as do the United Nation's Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change and hundreds of government agencies and environmental groups around the world. But the claims of a scientific consensus remain unsubstantiated. They have only become louder and more frequent.

Read the whole thing.

Slang of Ages

Oh. My. God. Words fail me. (h/t Tim Blair - and how cool is it that I, a Vermont resident, hear about this for the first time from an Australian blogger?)

Spring in Vermont

Big Google is Watching

This post over at Boing Boing is funny, in a twisted sort of way. I mean, on the one hand, the whole street view thing from Google Maps is kind of cool, allowing you a virtual-eye view of the street and making it easy for you to locate landmarks and, if you've never been there, give you a picture of the landmark to recognize when you get there.

But what about private residences? Or, for that matter, what about people leaving public establishments they might not brag about to their friends and neighbors? What if they can identify you from your license plate?

And is it really true that you "don't have a right to privacy over what can be seen while driving the speed limit past your house"?

Now, I don't know about you, but this sort of thing makes me want to stand naked in the front window of my home so I can offer a skin-flute salute when the picture-van drives by. Of course, I know that it will be eons before anyone thinks about (or cares) street-mapping Vermont so all I can say is, when the photographer shows up, he better have a long lens.

Update: Since posting these links, all but the first two no longer show you the street-view shown when I linked them. I'm not sure if this is a glitch on my part or if Google is taking some preemptive action. Either way, if you live in a fairly populated area, I encourage you to go to Google Maps and discover your "street". Might open your eyes a bit.

The Best of the Breast

Gotta love this:

"We have to remember that while more women are showing more cleavage, you really have to use your breast power responsibly," Squires said.

That's it, ladies. Be responsible in using your "breast power" because, you never know, you might just put someone's eye out. Or something.

Now if only someone would write about the responsible use of cock power. Hmmm...

The Decline and Fall

John Leo looks at the state of writing in the postmodern world:

George Orwell, at the beginning of his essay, “Politics and the English Language,” made clear that he thought the language had become disheveled and decadent. That was in 1946. Intending shock, Orwell offered five examples of sub-literate prose by known writers. But these examples don’t look as ghastly to us as they did to Orwell, because language is so much worse today. If you doubt this, I offer a few examples.

In plain English, what does it mean when students “achieve a deficiency” or reach a “suboptimal outcome?” It means they failed. A suboptimal outcome is even worse in at a hospital. It means the patient died. The airline industry sometimes speaks of a hull loss. What they mean is that one of their planes just crashed. Here’s more twisted language. Your doorman is now known as an “access controller”, and a receptionist is a “director of first impressions.” Hospital bills can be filled with such language, How about a “thermal therapy unit” (an ice bag) or a “disposable mucus recovery unit”, also known as a box of Kleenex.

Read the whole thing.

Fire In The Hole

Scott Adams looks at global climate change:

For the record, I think it’s entirely possible that human activity is warming the earth, we can predict its consequences, and those consequences are dire. I just think that case hasn’t been made to my personal satisfaction. I’m bothered by the fact that the people trying to save me are feeding me nuggets of potentially useful facts buried in huge loads of what looks and smells like bullshit.

Be sure and read parts 1 and 2, also.

Fresh Air

Last night was the first night we've been able to leave the windows open since early October. All of which means that A)Spring is here, so don't blink or you'll miss it, and B)Winter is sure to make one more appearance so don't put your woolens away just yet.

The highs will be in the upper 80's today, but just to keep some perspective, the water temp in nearby Lake Champlain is a nippy little 42. Just in case anyone was thinking of taking a dip.

Reelin' in the Years

"Nostalgia is a corrupting emotion."

How much do we remember of our lives and how much do we invent? As Ann Althouse points out in her post, Oskar Eustis was 8 years old during the Summer of Love, so he's more likely remembering it wholesale, although watching an attempt to levitate the Pentagon would probably stick in the memory banks. But is it true that "what really imprints on you is what was happening when you were 17"?

Now I can honestly put a lie to Robin Williams' famous dictum ("If you remember the 60's, you weren't there"); I lived through the 60's - going from 7 to 17 - and I do remember them. Of course, I remember them the way anyone remembers an era 40 years gone; in bits and pieces and mostly in the form of personal anecdotes.

Like all kids, I went through a lot of changes during that decade and, like most boys, those changes primarily involved girls and sports. The political events of the 60's, with a few exceptions, were a blur to me and the notion of trying to stop a war - even a war that I would almost participate in a few years later - never blipped on my radar screen. The Kennedy assassination in '63 may have scarred my psyche but the arrival of my new best friend Mr. Boner the following year had a much greater effect on my day to day life.

Now, in fairness to Mr. Eustis, I can remember two things (that I'm reasonably sure I'm not, you know, inventing) that happened in my life before the age of 8 which have had a much more lasting imprint than anything that happened when I was 17. So, perhaps if the event is traumatic enough - Look, son! The Pentagon is wobbling! It's starting to rise! - maybe it can leave a lasting imprint. Or perhaps not.

Anyway, the only thing that left a lasting imprint on me when I was 17 - other than graduating high school - was that the Beatles broke up.

And I'm sure not nostalgic about that.

Quote of the Day

For Kate:

Writers know that when we write, we feel the world move; it is flexible, crammed with possibilities. It certainly isn’t frozen. Wherever human existence permeates, there is no freezing and no paralysis, and actually, there is no status quo. Even if we sometimes err to think that there is a status quo; even if some are very keen to have us believe that a status quo exists. When I write, even now, the world is not closing in on me, and it does not grow ever so narrow: it also makes gestures of opening up toward a future prospect.

I write. I imagine. The act of imagining in itself enlivens me. I am not frozen and paralyzed before the predator. I invent characters. At times I feel as if I am digging up people from the ice in which reality enshrouded them, but maybe, more than anything else, it is myself that I am now digging up. (h/t Ambiva)

Films That Never End

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Birds Do It, Bees Do It...(Part II)

Roof Sex. Preferably with the sound on. (h/t David Thompson)

Birds Do It, Bees Do It...

Why not trees? (h/t Tim Blair)

Hackneyed

Christy Lemire of the AP reviews Shrek 3 and finds it hackneyed:

"Shrek the Third" begins with a death, and from there the movie itself steadily dies. The third installment in this monster of an animated franchise still subverts the fairy tales we grew up knowing and loving, but it's smothered in a suffocating sense of been-there, done-that.

Which is all well and good. I mean, I don't know if I agree with her assessment or not, but I'd agree that any movie with a 3 in the title has to have at least a little feeling of overuse. But then Christy just can't keep from being a little hackneyed herself:

(Why Fiona can't take over in a fairy-tale land where the all the other rules have been upended is never addressed. She is the more even-tempered and levelheaded of the two, after all. Perhaps if Hillary were president ....)

*Sigh*

Is it just me, or have movie reviews become more and more politicized these days? It's as if movie (and theater) critics are secretly ashamed to be writing about "entertainment" and would rather be discussing "important" things like global warming and the Bush administration's misuse of political power.

It wouldn't surprise me at all if an upcoming review of Pirates 3 doesn't compare the East India Trading Companies' effort to stamp out pirating to the War on Terror or wonders how broom riding stacks up on carbon emissions in Harry Potter 5.

See the Glory

Over at Word Around The Net, Christopher Taylor has finished his 5-part essay on Global Warming and compiled all the parts into one post. This is a quiet, thoughtful look at a subject that has a number of people running around like Chicken Little. If you want a better understanding of the science and the facts of the matter, Chris has done the heavy lifting for you.

So go read it, already.

Any Major Dude Will Tell You

The AP's David Bauder wonders: Where have all the TV viewers gone?

The first clue is staring you right in the face.

Question Begging

Economist Brad DeLong excoriates the American press for being Bush's lapdogs: (h/t Rebecca Blood)

Why didn’t the American press corps cover the Bush administration properly for its first five years? I really do not know. I do know that the world cannot afford to rely again on America’s press for its information: fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. So I appeal to all of you working for newspapers, radio, and television stations outside the United States: it is to you that we – including those of us in America – must look to discover what our own government is doing.

*Sigh*

As I read this tripe, it's hard to know where to begin. Let's start with the notion that Brad is not - and never has been - a fan of our current president:

It was the summer of 2000 when I began asking Republicans I know – generally people who might be natural candidates for various sub-cabinet policy positions in a Republican administration – how worried they were that the Republican presidential candidate, George W. Bush, was clearly not up to the job. They were not worried, they told me, that Bush was inadequately briefed and strangely incurious for a man who sought the most powerful office in the world.

Not to worry, Brad is told by his Republican friends:

Bush knows his strengths and weaknesses...he will focus on being America’s Queen Elizabeth II, and will let people like Colin Powell and Paul O’Neill be America’s Tony Blair and Gordon Brown.

Alas, Brad's Republican friends were wrong. Bush rejected the advice of his "betters" and essentially tried to run the country like a bored frat boy:

A strange picture of Bush emerged from conversations with sub-cabinet administration appointees, their friends, and their friends of friends. He was not just under-briefed, but also lazy: he insisted on remaining under-briefed. He was not just incurious, but also arrogant: he insisted on making uninformed decisions, and hence made decisions that were essentially random. And he was stubborn: once he had made a decision – even, or rather especially, if it was glaringly wrong and stupid – he would never revisit it.

Sheesh! What a guy, huh? I mean, who could ever doubt what "sub-cabinet administration appointees, their friends, and their friends of friends" are saying, right? Brad continues:

So, by the summer of 2001, a pattern was set that would lead British observer Daniel Davies to ask if there was a Bush administration policy on anything of even moderate importance that had not been completely bollixed up. But if you relied on either the Washington Post or the New York Times, you would have had a very hard time seeing it. Today, it is an accepted fact that the kindest thing you can say about the Bush administration is that it is completely incompetent...

So, let's sum up, shall we? In the summer of 2000 - before the elections - Brad is so concerned about a Republican presidential candidate who is "clearly not up to the job" that he asks his "Republican friends" why they're not worried. They tell him that Bush, like Dirty Harry, knows his limitations, that he'll make a swell Queen and let other, smarter people - people that he'll appoint, naturally - do the actual work of running the country.

But darn that G.W.! He just won't listen. And, thanks to Brad's having the inside scoop with his legion of "friends", we learn that Bush is lazy, arrogant and stubborn, and this is all within the first year of taking office! And so, the kindest thing we can now say about the Bush administration is that it's completely incompetent.

And the kindest thing I can say about Brad's post is that it's just another ad-hominem attack and one of the worst examples of question-begging I've ever seen. A more appropriate response would be to quote a line from the movie Time After Time:

"Herbert, a bigger crock of shit I never heard."

What he's really asking is why hasn't the American press covered the Bush administration the way he sees it. Why hasn't the press agreed to the "accepted fact" that - at the very least - the Bush administration is clearly incompetent? Why doesn't the world see the Bush administration the way he does?

Not that Brad offers any support for his belief, other than his conversations with administration insiders and their friends, and their friends of friends. Is that not the lamest qualifying statement you've ever heard? Try it out yourself: "Based on conversations with sub-cabinet appointees, their friends, and their friends of friends, I now believe..."what, exactly? But Brad doesn't have to come up with any, you know, actual evidence because to him it's an "accepted fact". And that the accepted fact simply mirrors a belief he held before the man was even elected only goes to show that he's been right all along.

I guess being lazy, stubborn and arrogant isn't such a bad thing after all, is it?

Notebook

Harry took the wand. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wand above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls. Hagrid whooped and clapped and Mr. Ollivander cried, "Oh, bravo! Yes, indeed, oh, very good. Well, well, well...how curious...how very curious...."
He put Harry's wand back into its box and wrapped it in brown paper, still muttering, "Curious...curious..."
"Sorry," said Harry, "but what's curious?"
Mr. Ollivander fixed Harry with his pale stare.
"I remember every wand I've ever sold, Mr. Potter. Every single wand. It so happens that the phoenix whose tail feather is in your wand, gave another feather -- just one other. It is very curious indeed that you should be destined for this wand when its brother -- why, its brother gave you that scar.
Harry swallowed.
"Yes, thirteen-and-a-half inches. Yew. Curious indeed how these things happen. The wand chooses the wizard, remember.... I think we must expect great things from you, Mr. Potter.... After all, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named did great things --terrible, yes, but great."

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

No matter how many times I read the HP books, I always get a chill up my spine when I come to this passage. It's a master-stroke of storytelling, with a wonderful sense of mystery and foreboding, and it's one of the moments that the movies got just right, with John Hurt providing the perfect spooky touch as Mr. Ollivander.

Seis de Mayo

Memo to the galley:

No more is Romulan Ale to be served at official diplomatic functions. Or at any unofficial functions. Or at any functions at all.

Really. Just beam the shit into a Borg Cube, already. Along with any leftover burritos.

Oh, and someone tell the Warp Engines to keep it down, will you?

Movie Slut

So, I’m sitting at my desk, a calendar of summer movies laid open in front of me, munching on my ogre-sized M&M’s, and I’m wondering just what to make of this rancid, steaming pile-o-crap that Entertainment Weekly calls the “sweet insanity of blockbuster season”.

With 15 of the releases being sequels (8 of them sequels of sequels) and, if sequels, to quote from William Goldman, are “whore’s movies”, a more appropriate, if cynical, name might be whore season.

That being said, am I looking forward to seeing many of these movies this summer? You betcha. With an introduction like the one above, a sane person might wonder why. I wish I had a good answer for you. Certainly, I’ve been around long enough to know better and, having once managed a 7-plex movie theatre, I can’t even rhapsodize about the joys of movie popcorn (word to the wise: if they’re not popping it fresh while you’re standing there, grab some twizzlers instead). So what, then, is the attraction?

Forgive me a short, autobiographical digression. Once upon a time, a former boss explained to me the difference between a whore and a slut. Through experience, a whore would go into each situation knowing exactly what to expect. A slut, on the other hand, no matter how experienced, would go into each encounter with the hope that this time, things would be different. And no number of disappointments could dim that feeling – that expectation – of hopefulness.

Well, call me a Movie Slut, because every time I go to a movie, I still have that feeling of hope (even after Star Wars episodes 1-3!) that I won’t leave the theatre feeling like a bukkake recipient. And with that in mind, let’s look at the summer releases, shall we?

May leads off the summer with a troika of 3rds (or a trio of turds, depending on your point of view); Spidey 3, Shrek 3, and Pirates 3. Will any of these be any good? The correct answer to that is who cares? These three movies – together with the 5th Harry Potter movie, coming in July – represent the closest thing to a license to print money that any movie studio could want. So go see them already.

Now, with all that firepower right out of the box, can any other movie squeeze in for some of the booty? Looking at the release calendar for May, the only one that might stand a chance is another sequel: 28 Weeks Later, coming May 11. All things considered, the big 3 own May and most of June, too.

The first real challenge to the big 3 comes June 1 with the release of Knocked Up, an adult comedy brought to us by the same creative team that did The 40 Year Old Virgin. Also on June 1 comes the Kevin Costner thriller, Mr. Brooks. I think KU could have benefited from an August release date (like Virgin) and maybe mommy and daddy will drop the kids off for a repeat showing of one of the big three while they treat themselves to some R-rated goodness but I have doubts that KU will capture lightning in a bottle like Virgin did. As for Mr. Brooks, I don’t think Mr. Costner will have to worry about any planned sequels.

The next challenge comes a week later with two more sequels, Ocean’s Thirteen and Hostel II. O13 is a perfect definition of a "whore's" movie. The only reason to make this movie is money. Ocean’s Eleven and Twelve were money-making turds made by grassfuckers (to borrow a term from Mr. Filthy) and 13 will hopefully see a big enough drop in revenue to ensure there’s no 14. Hostel II also seems like an August movie to me but it will draw in all those who can’t wait for Saw 4 next fall.

Also coming on the 8th is an animated flick, Surf’s Up, with voice work by everyone’s favorite teen of the moment, Shia LaBeouf. What I’ve seen of this doesn’t thrill me but it’s animated and by this time parents will be sick of Shrek so expect some numbers.

On the 15th comes a sequel to the Not-So-Fantastic Four and Nancy Drew. The second FF can’t help but improve on the original (hopefully we won’t have to endure any more Jessica Alba naked while invisible jokes) but hanging on to Spidey’s coattails won’t help here. Nancy Drew, on the other hand, has a chance to be one of the few non-sequels to crack the box office top ten. The preview looks fun, it has a young star with an established Nickelodeon fan base, and Warner Bros likes it so much they’ve already ordered a sequel.

A week later come two movies with a lotta “might” in them: Evan Almighty and A Mighty Heart. EA might be a very funny sorta-kinda-sequel to Bruce Almighty, substituting Steve Carell and lots of CGI for Jim Carrey. My feeling is EA will fall a mite short. And A Mighty Heart is what I would call the antithesis of a summer movie; it’s a serious drama dealing with the heart-wrenching true story of Marianne Pearl (played by Angelina Jolie) and what she endured when her husband was kidnapped and then beheaded by terrorists in 2002. This movie could be Oscar bait or it might turn out to be another Beyond Borders, but anyone who thinks this will draw serious business in June needs serious therapy.

June ends with Live Free or Die Like a Turd, oops, Die Hard and Pixar's Ratatouille. Pixar has a phenomenal record and I'm a big fan of Brad Bird (Iron Giant, Incredibles) but after seeing the trailer, I'm afraid that Ratatouille may go Rataphooey. And big John McClane rides again, this time coming out of retirement to save his daughter - what a family! Coming soon, Die Punk! as Bruce Willis tries to save his ex-wife's career.

On July 4th, we have the biggest non-sequel of the summer, Transformers, which features cars from outer space that turn into robots who want to destroy the earth. Our only defense are other cars from outer space that turn into robots that turn into Shia LaBeouf. Also on July 4th is License To Wed, in which Robin Williams tries to pretend he had nothing at all to do with RV.

A week later we have the other 2000 pound gorilla of a sequel, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and a Stephen King thriller, 1408. With 3 of the 4 previous HP movies in the all-time top 10 (and the 4th knocking on the door at #17), expect Sirius, er, serious numbers. The only thing that can derail this movie is if J.K. Rowling kills Harry in book 7, due July 21. I liked the trailer for 1408, with John Cusack as a skeptic investigating the supernatural, but these days Stephen King movies are like Toyota when horror-movie fans are all buying Scions.

July has three more con(pre)tenders: Hairspray, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry, and The Simpsons Movie. While Hairspray has a number of devoted (and demented) fans, I don't see John Travolta in a fat suit becoming phat city. Adam Sandler is hit (Click) or miss (Little Nicky): I see Chuck & Larry as one of his misses. And the Simpsons jumped the shark for me about the time they starting airing their Halloween episodes in November but this movie has been on people's radar for some time so I expect a healthy opening, at least.

In August we get down to slim pickens: two money sequels (The Bourne Ultimatum and Rush Hour 3), two regrettable sequels (Invasion and Daddy Day Camp), one reimagining (Halloween) and one potential sleeper (Becoming Jane).

So, when all is said and done, where does that leave us? Well, if you've lasted this far, you deserve some fearless predictions and here they are (full disclosure: here are my picks from last summer and, courtesy of LA Guy, here's how I did):

1. Spidey (First Out, First In)
2. Transformers
3. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
4. Pirates 3
5. Shrek 3
6. Surf's Up
7. Rush Hour 3
8. Live Free or Die Hard
9. The Bourne Ultimatum
10. The Simpsons Movie

If I'm right, you can say you saw it here first. If I'm wrong, well, I'm sure I'll be in good company.

Forbidden Fruit

"Tra la! It's May!
The lusty month of May!
That darling month when ev'ryone throws
Self-control away.
It's time to do
A wretched thing or two,
And try to make each precious day
One you'll always rue!"

Still More Reasons Why I love the Internet

So I discovered David Thomson's excellent blog a few weeks ago and, in the course of surfing my favorite links, I happened upon this link in his Friday Ephemera. Now, I should state up front that I'm a big fan of comics, have been for years, and am currently enjoying the 8th season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer via comic form from Dark Horse.

Having said that, I should also admit that superhero genitalia - male or female - has never been something I've thought a lot about. But you have to agree that the particular way this character has been drawn ("I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way.") makes you kinda wonder what the artist was drinking that day. And then, to become imbroiled in a, um, discussion about whether the superhero is sporting an erection or just packing some serious meat, well, all I can say is thank God for the Internet.

But that's not the best part.

In the course of reading the post (and the comments), I saw references to two things I'd never heard of: yaoi and XXXenophile. Now, yaoi, as it turns out, is a Japanese form of slash fiction (with illustrations) and XXXenophile is an X-rated comic book, published mainly between 1988 and 2000 by Phil Foglio. Now, slash fiction doesn't interest me a whole lot, although the thought of Kirk, Spock and McCoy in a menage a trois is kind of funny. XXXenophile, on the other hand, I found both amusing and erotic. If you'd like to actually see some scans from them, you can go here, but be aware that these are definitely NSFW.

But even that's not the best part.

Also referenced in the post is a post here, talking about a method of "eyetracking", which measures what the eye focuses on while reading.

When photos do contain people related to the task at hand, or the content users are exploring, they do get fixations. However, gender makes a distinct difference on what parts of the photo are stared at the longest. Take a look at the hotspot below.
Although both men and women look at the image of George Brett when directed to find out information about his sport and position, men tend to focus on private anatomy as well as the face. For the women, the face is the only place they viewed.

Coyne adds that this difference doesn’t just occur with images of people. Men tend to fixate more on areas of private anatomy on animals as well, as evidenced when users were directed to browse the American Kennel Club site.

Now this is cool. And, whodathunk it, very informative. I mean, who knew that men were so interested in the "private anatomy" of other men? Not to mention animals?

That's why I love the Internet.

Oh, and for my part, I have no problem with the "cock", especially superhero cock, but I draw the line at animal private anatomy.

Almost Gothic

Spring Reading

Just finished Summer of Night by Dan Simmons. Excellent read, very good horror novel in the model of Stephen King's It or Salem's Lot.

Next up, re-reading the Harry Potter books in preparation for Book 7.

The Only Critic Worth Reading

Over the years, I've had trouble finding movie critics who shared my tastes and, um, sensibilities. Most critics are too high-brow for my very middle to low-brow interests and either prattle on about things I couldn't care less about or inject their own "gee, if only I were a filmmaker and not a critic" vibe into the review, making it impossible for me to know if the movie is something I want to pay money to see or not.

True, now and then some critic would break through the void, like Joe Bob Briggs, but JBB is mostly a niche critic and, as much as I like that niche, I do have the occasional urge to see a movie for reasons other than its breast count. These days, that's what Skinemax is for.

For a while, Siskel & Ebert filled the bill - mostly Siskel; his thoughts on movies were so close to mine, it was almost scary, and reviewers like Glenn Kenny of Premiere Magazine and EW's Owen Gleiberman and Lisa Schwarzbaum have been pretty reliable for me, but but the U.S. version of Premiere is now history and Kenny of late has shown advanced stages of BDS syndrome. So, what's a cost-conscious movie lover to do?

Turn to this guy, of course. Just read the opening paragraph from his review of "In the Land of Women":

In the Land of Women is the cinematic equivalent of salt peter. You could take a handful of boner pills and watch every Candy Botttoms movie you can get your hands on before walking in, and this piece of shit will shrink your dick, man or woman, faster than getting it slammed in a freezer door. I mean, the only reason I can think of for this movie to exist is to wilt dicks.

Or this insightful comment a little further in:

In the Land of Women are three main women: Meg Ryan, Kristen Stewart and Adam Brody. Brody, actually, is transgendered, looking like a man, but in his pants he has Skittles where his dick is supposed to be. The mother and daughter both hope to taste the rainbow.

Pure poetry, don't you think?

So this summer, on the rare occasion when you're looking for a movie that doesn't have the number 3 associated with it, check out The Filthy Critic first. Not only will you get a free, non-shill take on the movie, you'll also find yourself laughing out loud.

The Taxman Cometh

Take a minute and jog over to Don Luskin's place and read a Tax Parable. Go on. It's short, amusing and seems - to me, at least - to make a lot of sense.

All done? Good.

Now, the only potential problem I can think of with it is this: How much beer did each of the men drink?

Would You Buy a Used Car From This Man?

I caught a few minutes of the Dennis Miller show on the radio this morning - completely by accident, I'm not usually driving at that hour and I don't listen to talk radio anymore - and what struck me wasn't the commentary on his show but rather the way he read commercials.

Now, I like Miller; I think he's a funny guy and I also give him props for being that rarest of commodities: a hollywood conservative. And I know that when you have a radio call-in show like his, reading commercial copy is by and large part and parcel of the gig. In fact, advertisers probably pay a few bucks more if Miller reads the copy, thinking that the celebrity quotient might help them sell some more product.

But this is Dennis Miller, gang. Listening to him read ads is like listening to Robin Williams recite Shakespeare: you keep waiting for the punchline. It doesn't matter whether he's telling you to invest in gold, listen to Bose headphones or letting you in on the secret of how he's now a morning person because of his new mattress, it all comes across as pure, unadulterated bullshit. And it's not just because the copy is exactly the same as when Rush Limbaugh reads it.

I'd love to meet just one person who bought anything because Dennis Miller recommended it.

Quote of the Day

Scott Adams on capitalism:

I think a reasonable person can dislike capitalism and wish for a more socialist world where art is free for all takers. But a reasonable person can’t expect that a socialist world would produce nearly as much art. That’s bat shit thinking.

Can't You See Our Love Will Grow?

So I came across this site the other day while perusing del.icio.us and it made me wonder - does the amount of nookie you get depend on how much you wear to bed?

In Vermont during the winter sleepwear is not - no matter how many blankets you use - optional. Unless, of course, your significant other likes the idea of being probed by an icicle. But I thought I'd pose the question to those of you (the few, the proud, the delirious) who actually stumble across this site occasionally:

Does less sleepwear = more nookie or does it matter at all?

This Just In

I just wanted to thank Ben & Jerry's for changing their hours on "free cone" day. After paying my taxes and discovering that I had to work during their annual freebie, I decided to hit the bar instead.

And you know, after 3 or 4 scotches, I discovered that I really didn't need that free scoop of Coffee Buzz!Buzz!Buzz! anyway.

Eye-Catching

I don't watch American Idol, so I have no idea if this young lady can sing or not, but she sure is easy on the eyes.

Life and Liberty

The Virginia Tech shootings are all over the news right now. I'm not going to link anything because the news is everywhere you look. And, other than offering prayers and condolences, there's not much to say at the moment.

Except...

My gut feeling is that the only way this could have been prevented - or at least mitigated - is if at least one of the students or teachers in the general vicinity had been armed themselves. I could be wrong, of course. As details emerge, we'll get a fuller picture of what happened. Still, I can't shake the feeling.

When I mentioned this to my wife last night - she works at the local high school - it led to a rather heated argument. The idea of guns at a school, even a college, is anathema to her and I understand the way she feels. Vermont is a right-to-carry state (one of the few things the state gets consistently right, imho) but schools are typically an exception to that law. The only people authorized to carry firearms at any school, to my knowledge, are law enforcement officers. Which makes sense.

Except...

When things like this happen, by the time the campus security or police find out about it, it puts them on the outside while the gunman (or gunmen) are on the already on the inside with a room or building full of defenseless people. For example, when a jilted boyfriend stalked the Essex Elementary school earlier this year, no one was able to prevent him from killing an innocent teacher he didn't even know. The police caught him, of course. Afterwards. But if one of the teachers or administration personnel at the school had been armed, might that teacher still be alive?

It's a thorny question and one that I know flies in the face of conventional wisdom, which dictates that the way to stop these killings is to place more and tighter controls on guns. But I don't believe our gun laws work and I don't think there's a way to prevent just about anyone from getting a gun if he wants one bad enough. I don't think more stringent gun laws will change that. There will always be bad people with access to guns - and occasionally worse things than guns.

The only answer that makes sense to me is vigilance. Vigilance, and giving law-abiding people the right and ability to protect themselves. By way of Instapundit, I'm directed to this post from Roger Kimball, which sums up my feelings better than I've just done.

Update: A Virginia Tech student argues for the right of self-defense.

My Old School

Over at Instapunk, a pertinent question regarding the Duke Lacrosse players erroneously accused of rape:

Why do we ask our children to excel in school, to get A's, to score well on their SATs, to earn Varsity letters and participate in all the extracurriculuar activities it takes to be admitted to Duke or UNC or UVa or the Ivy league when all we're going to do when they get there is call them PRIVILEGED and penalize them to the max if they ever come into conflict with the BETTER people who drop out of school or wind up in prison?

Goodbye to Lonely Street

Jane Galt offers us the ethics question of the day:

You are a worker in a hospital. An unidentified patient dies on your ward. In his pocket are two tickets for a sold-out concert for two hours hence. You are pretty sure he isn't going to be identified in time to use the tickets. Would you take them? And if not, why not?

Speaking for me personally, 99.9% of the time, I wouldn't take them. If, however, the tickets were to the Steely Dan Heavy Rollers Tour 2007, well, since the dude had such good taste, it would be a shame to let them go to waste.

Right?

Friggatriskaidekaphobia

Lileks on bad luck:

Gnat explained to me today that if she did poorly on the spelling test, it might be the fault of Friday the Thirteenth. All the kids are abuzz about it, because it’s Bad Luck.

There’s no such thing as bad luck, I said.

Uh huh there is.

No. There’s no such thing. If something doesn’t work out, or something bad happens, it’s not because of bad luck. It’s because of something real. Luck is an excuse.

Well Faith said –

I don’t care. Do you really think tomorrow is bad luck?

Maybe.

Then we’d better not go to the pizza store, because the ceiling could fall! Or they could put snail feet in the sauce!

Dad.

And we’d better not get on the bus, because it could be attacked by buzzards. That would be bad luck.

Dad.

And we’d better not study for the spelling test, because we might poke our eye out with a pencil. Bad luck!

DAD.

Well, you see what I mean.

Yeah.

So what do I mean?

There’s no such thing as luck, she said, disappointed.

That’s right. Because it’s up to you. You make your own luck. I know it’s hard to give up thinking about good luck, but that means you don’t have to worry about bad luck.

She brightened. This was good news.

So let’s study the spelling words!
And that was the bad news, I guess.

Hot Licks and Rhetoric

So let me get this straight: If I assault you because of your race, creed, gender or sexual orientation, it's somehow worse than if I assault you just for kicks?

Noun Good; Adjective Bad

Apparently, certain nouns are okay to use, as long as you don't precede them with certain adjectives.

I'm not sure I understand that logic.

Update: I'm not sure I want to buy one of these, either.

Everyone's Gone to the Movies

Watched Near Dark this afternoon for the first time. It's not bad. Pretty stylish but not what I would call scary. Most of it follows traditional vampire lore - except for the part about blood transfusions making you human again. And Adrian Pasdar's becoming a vampire about thirty seconds after being bitten. I guess they wanted to make sure the movie didn't run too long.

It was also fun to see this guy get kicked around in a bar, something he sort of built a career on.

Best bit of dialog:

Caleb: How old are you?
Jess: (with a wry smile) I fought for the south.
Caleb: The south?
Jess: We lost.