Which Way Did It Go?

September, I mean. It seems like just yesterday I was posting about the Dog Team Tavern burning and suddenly - poof! - it's October 1st.

Seriously, I started a new job on September 7th and that, combined with the start of school and some family obligations, has made it almost impossible for me to keep up with blogging. I've barely had time to keep up with my blog reading, let alone doing any posting. Anyway, it's a new month and a little saner schedule so, hopefully, blogging will resume.

Up in Smoke

The Dog Team Tavern is gone:

NEW HAVEN -- Police suspect Dog Team Tavern owner Christopher Hesslink, 42, was killed when the landmark restaurant burned early Friday morning in a fire police are calling suspicious.

The fire destroyed the 60-year-old restaurant located on quiet Dog Team Road and known for its sticky buns, ample portions and spinning relish wheel.

The Correct Answer

Okay, so I'm doing my usual Sunday Search for inspiration and/or enlightenment and I come across this post. About halfway down the page, there's this paragraph:

"...ask yourself this question: When I’m on my deathbed, what will I regret most about my life? I doubt anyone on their deathbed ever said, “I wish I would have worked more hours. I wish I would have gotten that last sale. I wish I had even more money in my bank account.” Elizabeth Kubler Ross, author of the book On Death and Dying, asked people on their deathbeds this very question. What was their response? The number one response was: I wish I would have taken more chances. I feel like I lived my life playing it too safe. The number two response was: I wish I would have taken more time to reflect. I never stopped and smelled the roses in life. How would you answer this question?"

To me, deathbed questions are always kind of skeezy because, well, look at where you are - you're on your deathbed, for crying out loud. Who wants to deal with a bunch of people asking them questions when they're dying? What's more, look at the kind of questions they ask. What will I regret most about my life?

Geez, how much time do I have?

And the answers listed above are just wrong, wrong, wrong. What does it mean when someone who can't take chances anymore says they wished they'd taken more chances in their life? Nothing, that's what it means. If you had a magic wand and waved it in front of them and said "Okay, you're healed. Now go out and take some chances", do you know what they'd say?

"Are you kidding? Take chances? That's how people get killed!"

It reminds me of my Catholic upbringing and being taught about the sacrament of Extreme Unction, or Last Rites. Basically, what happens is the priest gives you absolution for your earthly sins. The catch is you have to be contrite or truly and honestly sorry that you committed them. I remember asking one of the nuns "Sister, now really. What's the catch?" Because, if you're on your deathbed and this means getting into heaven, who isn't going to be truly and honestly sorry for any sins they committed? If it will help, I'll confess to a few I didn't commit. And believe me, I won't be kidding when I do because, after all, He'll know.

The number two answer is only marginally better than the first because, when you think about it, reflection is really just a way of looking at what's wrong with your life and how many of us want to spend time doing that? For me, true reflection comes when I drain the last of my scotch and realize I forgot to buy more. And what is the thing with roses, anyway? Give me the aroma of a nice, juicy steak anytime.

No, if someone asks me on my deathbed what I regret most about my life, there is only one correct answer:

I regret that I'm on my deathbed. Idiot.

After the Love has Gone

Perhaps you’ve heard this story:

A man pursues a woman, wooing her with flowers and trinkets, taking her on dates for romantic dinners and dancing. He tells her he loves her. The woman, knowing a little something about men, accepts his words and gifts cautiously, enjoying the attention, wanting to believe but having been burned before, she holds back on relinquishing the ultimate prize: sex.

This goes on for some time with no lessening of the man’s ardor. Finally, she accepts his affections as genuine and agrees to sleep with him. The two of them have an evening/weekend of glorious sex.

Or bad sex, it really doesn’t matter, because afterwards she never hears from him again. The man goes on his merry way, having gotten at last what he wanted, and the woman, dispirited and tearful, vows to never again let anyone take advantage of her.

Now, it may seem like this is some apocryphal story about relationships but it really isn’t. Because what I’ve just described is the prototypical manner in which most businesses deal with their customers. They woo you. They fuck you. And then they never want to hear from you again. Many of them don’t even have the good manners to kiss you when they’re done. Until, of course, they come up with some other little doodad they want to sell you and the wooing starts all over again.

And we fall for it darn near every time.

Some of you reading this – especially small business owners – may object. We’re very serious about customer service, you say. We love our customers. Where would we be without our customers? And that may very well be true, as far as it goes. There are, no doubt, some companies out there that put a great deal of time and effort into customer service (and not, as George Carlin would say, servicing their customers). Just because I haven’t worked for or dealt with any of them doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

But all companies, good or bad, suffer from the same mindset: once the transaction is done, they don’t treat the customer the same way. Or, in relationship speak, they stop treating the customer like a lover and start treating them like a spouse.

An excellent example of this is provided by Kathy Sierra:

Why do so many companies treat potential users so much better than existing users? Think about it. The brochure is a thing of beauty, while the user manual is a thing of boredom. The brochure gets the big budget while the manual gets the big index. What if we stopped making the docs we give away for free SO much nicer than the ones the user paid for? What if instead of seducing potential users to buy, we seduced existing users to learn?

Have you looked at a user manual lately? Of course you haven’t. Why would you? User manuals, as Kathy points out, are drab, colorless, lifeless tomes printed on (if you’re lucky) recycled paper. Most of them are written in the gobbledy language of technical engineers with an extra helping of coveryourass talk thrown in for good measure. There is a good reason why people hate to read user manuals – and it’s not just stupid men who think they don’t need them. It’s because they aren’t helpful.

Granted, brochures aren’t exactly helpful either, but that’s not the point. Brochures aren’t meant to be helpful. They’re meant to be sexy and alluring, to entice you to give up your money in exchange for the product they depict. The user manual is the booby prize you win for believing the brochure was anything more than a pleasant fiction. Wouldn’t it be nice if the user manual followed through on the promise of the brochure?

Or, to combine Kathy Sierra and George Carlin for a moment, wouldn’t it be nice if the user manual made you feel like you could kick ass instead of feeling like you’d just taken it up the ass?

The user manual, as I mentioned above, is just one example but it’s a telling one. The relationship between consumers and businesses is a lot like a courtship that leads to marriage. Once the romance is gone, the business moves on and all the consumer can do is vow it won’t happen again. And take out the garbage.

Because, you know, somebody has to.

Now This is Cool

The Official Seal Generator. (h/t 43 Folders)

Slow News Day

Jennifer Loven of the AP breathlessly points out that:

Taxpayers pay for Bush's campaign travel

Bankrolled almost entirely by taxpayers, President Bush is roaming far and wide on Air Force One to help Republicans retain control of Congress and capture statehouse contests in high-stakes midterm elections.

In 15 months, including back-to-back fundraisers Wednesday in Little Rock, Ark., and Nashville, Tenn., Bush has collected $166 million for the campaign accounts of 27 Republican candidates, the national GOP and its state counterparts across the country, according to the
Republican National Committee.

High-dollar Washington galas headlined by the fundraiser-in-chief brought in a big share of the total. The president also has scooped up campaign cash in 36 cities, travels that have taken him as near as McLean, Va., in the Washington suburbs and as far as Medina, Wash., 2,800 miles to the west. On Thursday, Bush adds yet another locale to the list: Salt Lake City.

Sounds pretty ominous, doesn't it? We, the taxpayers, are once again getting shafted by the evil, rich-loving, McHitlerChimpyBurton administration. And it's going to get worse:

All this to-and-fro presidential politicking is only expected to increase as November draws closer. And it is the taxpayers, not the campaigns or political parties, who foot most of the travel bill.

Oh, no! What can we do? Can't someone pass a law? Aren't there some federal regulations regarding Presidential fundraising and who pays for it? Actually, as it turns out, there are, but you have to wait four more paragraphs for it:

Bush is not the first president to operate this way. The federal regulations governing reimbursement for political travel have been on the books at least since the Reagan administration, and the White House said Bush adheres to all rules.

Oh, well. So what Bush is doing has been common practice (and, apparently, the letter of the law) for at least twenty years?

And the point of this story was what, exactly?

Head Trip

Imagine this scene: Tiger Woods, standing on the 18th tee at a major championship. He has a one-shot lead and all he has to do is make par to win. Instead of taking a fairway wood or long-iron and playing it safe, he takes out his driver and unleashes a mighty blow. Unfortunately, it veers left off the clubface and ends up behind a tree in the heavy rough.

Undaunted and again eschewing the safe and sane option of chipping to the fairway, he takes his 3-iron and attempts to slice the ball around the tree and hit the green. Instead, the ball flies straight into the tree and advances about 25 yards. Now, faced with the difficult task of getting up and down to win the championship, he yanks his third shot left and into a bunker. His 4th shot, the shot he needs to hole in order to win, flies long and ends up in the short rough surrounding the green. He now has to hole his chip shot from the thick grass just to tie for the lead and force a playoff.

The chip slides by the hole and he loses the championship.

Does any of this sound familiar? If you follow golf, it should. Two short months ago, Phil Mickelson lost the US Open in just this fashion. And Tiger Woods? Well, Tiger wasn’t there that day, having missed the cut at the Open for the first time as a professional. It was, in fact, the first time he had missed the cut at any major tournament as a professional.

As punishment for his failure, Tiger forced himself to watch every moment of the tournament on television that weekend. What must he have felt, I wonder, as he watched Mickelson’s meltdown on the last hole? It’s not the first time something like this has happened. In the 1999 British Open, Jean Van de Velde blew a 3-stroke lead on the final hole and lost in a playoff. Even great players like Tom Watson and Arnold Palmer have double-bogeyed the last hole to lose the Masters.

It is, however, one of the few things that Tiger hasn’t done. And, as much as anything, it illustrates the yawning divide between Woods and the rest of golfing world. It’s not his physical skills, though they are considerable. Mickelson, currently ranked # 2 in the world, hits the ball almost as far as Tiger does and his short game is considered by some to be even better than Tiger’s. But there is one place where Tiger is, pardon the pun, head and shoulders above the rest. It reminds me of a line from the 1981 horror film Wolfen:

“It’s all in the head, Dewey”.

From the neck up, Tiger Woods has no peers. It begins with his affirmation “Second place sucks” and it continues with his constant efforts to improve his game, to get better. For most golfers at the professional level, tampering with the golf swing is as appealing as bungee-jumping off the Eifel Tower. The ranks of insurance salesmen are overflowing with golfers who’ve “lost” their swing. A minor change here or there, sure, but major changes? No way. They’d just as soon play the game with a rake and shovel. Since turning pro, Tiger has rebuilt his swing from the ground up twice. To get better.

No one has ever consciously combined the physical and the mental game in golf the way Tiger has. Only his idol, Jack Nicklaus, comes close. Obviously, all athletic endeavors require both the mind and the body working in sync but usually this happens on an unconscious level. Ask any player – even a great player – why they’re paying well or poorly and, as a general rule, they can’t tell you. Their best answer is usually a stock cliché: “I’m seeing the ball well” or “I’m in the groove” or “I’m really feeling it” is the best they can do.

Some of this comes from the superstitious nature of most athletes. They don’t really understand how they’re able to do what they do or where it goes when they suddenly can’t do it anymore. It’s a though there is a switch inside them somewhere and sometimes it’s flipped on and sometimes it’s not. There have been very few players who understood themselves and their abilities well enough to be able to perform at a peak level when the switch was turned off and none of them have done it like Tiger Woods.

Take last week’s World Golf Championship at Firestone, for example. In the final two rounds of that tournament, he played more like Tony the Tiger than Tiger Woods. At one point in the third round, he made four bogies in a row, something he’d done only once before as a professional. The temptation must have overwhelming to say “this isn’t my week” and just phone it in for the rest of the tournament. After all, he’d won the last three times he’d teed it up, two of them majors. Anyone can have an off day, or an off week.

Not Tiger. Somehow, he managed to keep himself in contention and finally win his fourth in a row in a playoff. Now, it’s easy enough to say that Tiger was lucky to win. Certainly, the tournament was there for the taking and several players had their shot at it. That they couldn’t close the deal at a time when Tiger was clearly off his feed says more about them than it does about him. No one ever said Tiger couldn’t be beat. But he doesn’t beat himself.

Which, in a roundabout way, brings us back to Phil Mickelson. Since the US Open, Tiger has entered five tournaments. He finished second in one and then won the next four. Mickelson, on the other hand, hasn’t contended in a single tournament since his disastrous finish. He says he’s put it behind him but his play says otherwise. Time will tell if he can clear his head and once again play at the level he’s shown himself capable of the last few years.

Tiger’s level.

For Tiger, however, it’s business as usual. Day by day, hole by hole, swing by swing, thought by thought, the quest for improvement never ends. He’s the greatest player in the game today and his becoming the greatest of all time is almost a fait acompli. And when it happens, he will be remembered for his physical talents: his prodigious drives, his silky putting stroke and his uncanny knack for getting the ball in the hole from impossible lies. But his greatest weapon has never been in his golf bag.

It's in his head.

Out of the Blue

I know you're not reading this, but...

Once upon a time
Once when you were mine
I remember skies
Reflected in your eyes
I wonder where you are
I wonder if youThink about me
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams...

Manifest Arrogance

Scott Adams thinks the Middle East is one big dysfunctional family:

So the bottom line is that America is the father, the Islamic countries in the Middle East are the mother, and Israel is the offspring conceived by rape

He's kidding, naturally. I think.

Stuck on Crazy

In today’s Burlington Free Press, there’s this story:

Derek Kimball, 34, of Hinesburg this morning pleaded guilty to two counts of aggravated sexual assault and one count of lewd and lascivious conduct with a child in Vermont District Court in Burlington.

Now, in case the name doesn’t ring a bell, let’s read on:

Court papers say Kimball engaged in two incidents of forced rape and forced oral sex with the girl. The girl, whom The Burlington Free Press is not naming because she is a sexual-assault victim, is the same child Mark Hulett sexually assaulted for several years beginning in 2003.

Still nothing? Okay, try this:

Hulett’s case sparked a public outcry after Judge Edward Cashman initially sentenced Hulett, 35, of Williston in January to a 60-day minimum prison term after he pleaded guilty. The judge said his sentence was the only way for Hulett to receive sex-offender treatment. Three weeks later, after the Corrections Department changed its policy and agreed to treat Hulett while he was imprisoned, Cashman increased Hulett’s term to a three-year minimum.

Now you remember, don’t you? Of course you do. Not exactly a high-water mark in Vermont Jurisprudence, is it? Well, brace yourself because it’s about to happen again.

Judge Michael Kupersmith presided over Kimball’s hearing. Under the plea agreement, Kimball faces a minimum sentence of 3 to 10 years in prison, and a maximum of 12 to 50 years. That means he will spend at least 3 years in prison and remain under state supervision for at least 10 years.

Yes, I know it says that he could conceivably get up to 50 years in prison, but let me ask you a question: When Mark Hulett, who admitted sexually assaulting this young girl for over three years – beginning when she was six years old – is given a three-year minimum sentence, why should Derek Kimball expect worse when he’s only admitting to doing it a couple of times? Granted, Vermont lawmakers have tried to address this, but it’s unclear at this time whether the new law will affect this case or not.

Both men can expect to receive sex-offender treatment (Hulett is already guaranteed it) while incarcerated and both will likely be released while still young enough to do more harm. In the case of Hulett, he cannot be held longer than the three-year minimum unless he “misbehaves in prison or is unable to find suitable housing away from children following his release”. Is there any reason to suppose it will be different with Kimball?

All I can say is don’t sell crazy here, we’re all stocked up.

Oh, and read this and ask yourself why the girl’s parents aren’t up on charges as well. It will make your blood boil.

Soon

How soon?

Very soon.

Carnival of the Insanities

Many thanks to Dr. Sanity for including my post "Of Hens and Primates" in this weeks carnival.

If this is your first visit to the Teahouse, please feel free to check out some of my other posts, especially the recent posts concerning the school shooting in Essex, Vermont.

And in case you're wondering, the title of this blog comes from a song of the same name off of Donald Fagen's solo CD, Kamakiriad. That also should help explain why I post under the name Gaucho.

Thanks for stopping by and thanks again to Dr. Sanity for including me in this week's Carnival of the Insanities. She's truly an oasis of sanity in an insane world.

Hear, Hear

It's about time someone did it. (h/t Instapundit)

Essex Shooting Update

The latest updates on the Essex shooting are here and here. The Free Press article, in particular, has a lot of details, including a timeline of the shooting spree and Christopher Williams complete criminal record.

A couple of things that jump out at me: first, the usual nonsense from the mental health counselor about his unhappy childhood and how he appears to be suffering from the one-size-fits-all post traumatic stress disorder. I don’t mean to be flippant or seem uncaring about Mr. Williams…well, on second thought, maybe I do. When something like this happens, the first thing people want to know is why and the notion that he had a troubled childhood becomes a catch-all of a reason.

No doubt the people he shot are all broken up about his childhood.

“Domestic abuse” is another catch-all phrase. If I had to guess, and in the absence of any facts that’s all I can do, I would say that as a young child, he witnessed his father beating his mother. Or perhaps his father wasn’t around. Maybe he doesn’t know who his father is. There could have been a succession of “fathers” and all of them could have been abusive to his mother. I’d also guess that drugs and alcohol were prevalent in the home.

While the reports suggest that Williams himself was not the object of abuse (there’s no reference to child abuse), he was, according to CNN, “exposed” to it. And yes, these things matter. In trying to understand what makes him tick, of course they matter. It’s also interesting to note that this is the second time that he has reacted violently (or threatened to) when breaking up with a girlfriend and that both instances involved the girlfriend and her mother (or stepmother, in the MA case).

I’d be willing to bet, when all is said and done, that men have not played a dominant role in his life and what role they have played has been almost entirely negative.

The other thing that intrigues me about this case is the realization that Williams has been a fugitive for the past three years and during that time he has managed – by accident or design – to live and work in a neighboring state without calling any attention to himself.

Until now, of course.

Alphecca posts his picture and wonders why was he NOT in jail?

Of Hens and Primates

It’s interesting – to me, at least – to compare and contrast two examples of animal rights activism that have been in the news this week. First up is the case of Ben & Jerry’s and their use of eggs purchased from a company that is not entirely on the up and up in their treatment of hens. The original complaint surfaced in Tuesday’s edition of the Burlington Free Press. The Humane Society of the United States claimed that:

…the ice cream maker buys eggs produced by hens cooped in tight cages, a practice that belies Ben & Jerry's reputation as a socially and environmentally conscious company.

…the Humane Society's issue with Ben & Jerry's stems from a campaign against Michael Foods, a Minnesota-based foodservice company that provides eggs and potatoes to grocery stores and companies such as Ben & Jerry's. In a report released late last week on its Web site, Humane Society of United States said it found in an undercover investigation that Michael Foods hens died of dehydration and starvation, and the dead birds were kept in cages with live ones. The hens' cages were too small for the birds to spread their wings, according to the report.

On Wednesday, Michael Foods responded:

In that one-page document, Michael Foods outlined how its practices meet standards set by United Egg Producers, a national alliance of five organizations that provide services to the egg industry. Company procedure meets standards in use of feed, beak trimming, hen handling and transportation, and ammonia standard, Michael Foods said.

"The one area Michael Foods doesn't consistently meet UEP standards is hen cage space," the company said in the statement. Industry standards by 2008 will provide 67 square inches per cage. "Michael Foods has committed to transitioning all our cages to meet or exceed" the UEP standards, the company said.

Yesterday, Ben & Jerry’s made this announcement:

The chief executive officer of Ben & Jerry's Homemade Inc. said Wednesday the Vermont-based ice cream company will sever ties with Michael Foods Inc., a Minnesota egg producer accused of mistreating hens.

End of story, right? Well, not exactly, but before we go any further with this, let’s look at the second example, courtesy of the Good Professor:

The constant calls, the people frightening his children, and the demonstrations in front of his home apparently became a little too much.

Dario Ringach, an associate neurobiology professor at the University of California at Los Angeles, decided this month to give up his research on primates because of pressure put on him, his neighborhood, and his family by the UCLA Primate Freedom Project, which seeks to stop research that harms animals.

…colleagues suggested that Ringach, who did not return e-mails seeking comment, was spooked by an attack on a colleague. In June, the Animal Liberation Front took credit for trying to put a Molotov cocktail on the doorstep of Lynn Fairbanks, another UCLA researcher who does experimentation on animals. The explosive was accidentally placed on the doorstep of Fairbanks’s elderly neighbor’s house, and did not detonate.

Now, I will grant you that the two stories are not completely analogous, but in the main they are very similar: two animal rights groups protest against cruelty to animals – the way in which hens are cooped and the killing of primates for scientific research – and both are successful, at least to a degree. The methods they used, however, are light-years apart.

In the case of Ben & Jerry’s, the Humane Society of the United States used a time-honored concept – public pressure – to put the onus on B&J to publicly answer their charge and it’s interesting to note that the two organizations had been in private discussions about the issue for nearly a year. There is a financial component to this issue; the eggs from cage-free hens are more expensive than those collected from caged hens – except, apparently, in the UK – and it’s clear that, despite their rep as a socially responsible company, the ice-cream maker isn’t going to rush into a decision that might make it more expensive to sell their product.

Even today’s announcement doesn’t mean that Ben & Jerry’s won’t possibly buy eggs from caged hens in the future. It just means that, from now on, they’re going to deal only with companies that are completely UEP certified. Still, the Humane Society of the United States has to feel pretty good about the situation. They got, if not what they wanted, at least a large step in the right direction.

On the other hand, it’s pretty obvious that organizations such as the UCLA Primate Freedom Project and the Animal Liberation Front won’t be satisfied until all animal testing is a thing of the past, and they’re willing to go to extreme lengths to achieve their goal.

I have to be honest and admit that the whole idea of animal testing makes me a bit queasy and I don’t think I’m alone in this. Just as I don’t spend a lot of time dwelling on the process behind the nicely wrapped cuts of meat at the supermarket, or, for that matter, the conditions under which the eggs I buy are produced, I don’t think a whole lot about animal testing. This is probably because when I do think about it, I usually end up conflicted.

On the one hand, the thought of animals being experimented on and then killed in the name of science is a dicey one, especially if said science is in the name of a cosmetic company. On the other, the idea that such testing might lead to a cure for AIDS or cancer is definitely a point in the plus column. It also makes a difference as to just what animal is being used as a subject. Blinding bunnies, for example, is definitely a no-no, but slicing up mice gonads is fair game.

I’m also aware of some of the half-truths we tell ourselves in order to rationalize actions that we’re not comfortable with. I’ve worked in the furniture industry for a number of years and I’ve heard over and over, “Animals are not killed for their hides; it’s merely a byproduct of the meat industry” or words to that effect. And it may very well be true. But in my mind it always conjures up an image of someone standing around a slaughterhouse going “Oh, look at all this leather! Let’s make a sofa!”

But it’s clear that outfits like the Animal Liberation Front and the UCLA Primate Freedom Project have no such ambivalence. For them, the ends (no more animal testing) justify the means and the means can get pretty scary. Harassing emails, phone calls, posting names, phone numbers and addresses on their websites, damaging property, intimidating children and even planting bombs are not beyond the pale. To them, there is little or no difference between an animal life and a human life.

And, unlike organizations like the Humane Society of the United States, the individuals involved in these groups maintain their anonymity, refusing to be held accountable for any of their actions. They even go so far as to offer instructions in the art of anonymously harassing their targets:

For your privacy and protection (since it is well known that these scum may call or e-mail you back with threats - or even lie and say that YOU were making threatening phone calls and sending threatening e-mails to THEM), you may want to use a phone booth and send your e-mails from an anonymous computer.

Let's "phone bank" the vivvys and others who make their livings off of torturing and murdering animals in the experimentation and allied-services businesses.

Their attitude is perhaps best summed up by Doctor Jerry Vlasak, a spokesman for the Animal Liberation Press Office and former animal researcher. When queried about the Molotov cocktail, he responded “force is a poor second choice, but if that’s the only thing that will work…there’s certainly moral justification for that”.

So here you have groups that are uncompromising in their ideals, unscrupulous and unapologetic for their methods, unwavering in their moral rectitude and unaccountable for their actions. Do these people sound like anyone else we know?

Okay, anyone who answered “the Bush Administration,” thanks for playing. Your consolation prize is a one-way ticket here. No, the correct answer is…terrorists.

Shooting in Essex

If you read the reports here, here, here and especially here, there's not a whole lot to add at this point, except...

It's interesting to note that only the CBS/WCAX article describes the man:

WCAX initially said police were looking for two cars and for a suspect described as a black man in his early 30s, about 6-foot-3, with shoulder-length cornrows. He was reported to be armed with a large-caliber handgun and police were calling him "armed and dangerous."

All schools in the area went into a lockdown procedure when the shootings occurred. My daughter was at soccer practice at her high school in South Burlington (about ten miles from Essex) and when I went to pick her up, I was met at the entrance to the driveway by the Vice-Principal, who was directing traffic in and out of the school. All of the kids had been directed into the gym and were only being released to parents. I don't have a cell phone, so I don't know if they were trying to contact me or not.

My wife, who works at another local high school, tells me the lockdown procedure is something that's been in effect at most (if not all) schools since the Columbine tragedy. At her school, the lockdown drill is practiced twice a year, unlike fire drills, which are practiced monthly.

I imagine this incident will prompt the schools to take a closer look at their lockdown drills, especially in light of the one teacher being shot through the locked door to her classroom. Was she following the procedure correctly or should she have been elsewhere in her room, somewhere out of line of sight from the door? Did it happen so quickly that she didn’t have time to get away from the door? She was, by all accounts, not the intended victim so, why was she shot?

Lots of questions and very few answers at the moment.

One thing, however, I can predict with utmost certainty: a lot of people are going to be calling for tighter gun laws here in Vermont. No doubt Alphecca will be watching this closely.

Dumpster-Diving for the Homeless

According to this report from the Seattle Times, the old saw about an "ill wind" apparently still holds true:

Toiletries discarded at the airport because of new security rules have turned into a boon for the homeless in Eugene.

The St. Vincent de Paul Society of Lane County has started picking up some of the items people have jettisoned for security reasons before they board flights at the Eugene airport.

Charley Harvey, assistant executive director of the charity, dug through trash bags Tuesday and took every bottle of shampoo and shaving cream he could find. The items will be distributed at the organization's First Place Family Center.

If you discover that you have banned items in your carry-on luggage (and according to Seth Godin, there's no shortage of you out there) just make sure you dispose of them in a public trash can. If they're confiscated by the TSA, the items will be disposed of by the government and we all know how well that goes.

Who knows, if this keeps up, maybe the Salvation Army will set up a stand at the airport.

Anticipating a Denial

It’s Sunday and I’m in need of some inspiration. I scan through my usual list of suspects and, luckily for me, Dr. Sanity has just what I need. She uses her experience as a NASA flight surgeon to introduce the subject of anticipation and how a bit of honest thought about the future can help keep you in the pink, psychologically speaking.

Anticipation is defined as the realistic planning for future discomfort, and it involves something more than simply making long to-do lists, or even obsessive and careful planning for some event in the future. In particular, it necessitates both thinking and feeling about the affective components of potentially stressful or threatening future events.

Since I’ve been doing a whole lot of anticipating – okay, in my case, worrying – about things lately, this subject is right in my wheelhouse. Granted, the excavation of my bowels is um, behind me now, but there are plenty of other future events for me to dwell on: my teeth are in pretty awful shape and my dentist has informed me that the work to fix them will be a “challenge”; my daughter is starting high school this week and, oh yeah, I’m still jobless and the savings account is about to go on life support.

Maybe I should hold a blogathon for my favorite charity: me.

Anyway, since, as the good doctor points out, anticipation is the realistic planning for future discomfort and not just a song by Carly Simon, it turns out I’ve been doing it all wrong. As she puts it:

…anticipation is a psychological strategy that spreads out anxiety or other distressing emotions (e.g., fear, anger) over time. The advantage of this approach is that, like a psychological immunization, the process slowly allows the individual to accommodate to what otherwise might be an emotionally or physically overwhelming, or impossible-to-handle situation.

In my case, “over time” means every night around four AM but I understand what she means. Thinking about, and planning a strategy for dealing with, unpleasant situations is something that can only be done in fairly small doses over a period of time. Otherwise, the anger or fear aroused by the situation will paralyze the thought process, leaving a person about as rational as a democrat discussing the war on terror.

Of course, there are problems with this strategy, the first one being that few of us want to employ it:

In the world outside of space, or aviation, or other stressful or risky professions, anticipation is not used nearly often enough to learn to cope. The truth is that most people don't much like to think about situations that might cause or result in emotional distress at all, let alone plan in any way for it. And that is the major reason why anticipation is a psychological defense that frequently requires a social structure or network that supports it and encourages it.

In this case, “most people” and I are a lot alike. I don’t so much think about situations involving emotional distress as let them wash over me like the last reel of a horror movie. And the only “social structure” I have for dealing with the aftermath consists of Jim Beam or Johnny Walker. I’m joking, of course. Sometimes, I prefer Cutty Sark.

But the point is still valid: most people would rather actually go through unpleasant situations resulting in emotional distress than spend any time thinking about or preparing for them ahead of time. Once is more than enough, thank you very much. What’s more, not planning for the future can give you a certain level of deniability, as most of the elected officials in Louisiana can attest.

So where does that leave me? Well, I’d love to deny that I have a dental appointment on Wednesday, but I can’t. So I guess I’ll have to anticipate a strategy for not screaming during my root canal.

Ahead of the Curve

Ed Driscoll points us to an article that suggests I was being too critical of NorthWest Airlines for giving their about to be laid-off employees some advice in the art of trash-picking. According to the Washington Post, NorthWest just may be on to something:

Washington Post staff writer Megan Greenwell devoted her article on the front page of the August 16 Metro section to the new trend for young liberal dumpster divers.

Prince Frederick, Md teen Bryan Meadows “considers himself a ‘freegan,’” Greenwell wrote, describing the term as “a melding of the words ‘free’ and ‘vegan’” because Meadows “tries not to contribute to what he sees as the exploitation of land, resources and animals wrought by commercial production.”

Greenwell, a Berkeley, Calif. native, later dumped the quotation marks around “freegan” as she continued her story.

“The number of freegans in the D.C. region is anybody’s guess, but the ranks appear to be growing,” Greenwell insisted, citing anecdotal evidence. The Post writer also blamed “disillusionment with the Bush administration’s environmental policies” that have “pushed some young people to everyday forms of protest.”

But Greenwell didn’t just cite everyday bored left-leaning suburban teens. She also turned to an editor from a liberal Christian magazine, Ryan Beiler of Washington, D.C. who defended his dumpster-diving as a protest of “corporate farming practices” and in reaction to “the absurdity of how the American economy works.”

No word yet on whether "freegetarians" will join the protest.

Stay Out of my Parlor

Sorry, but when a spider shows up in my house, the only message they're giving me is that they want to die. Charlotte can stay in the barn with Wilbur. (h/t Rebecca Blood)

The Royal Spam

Scott Adams notes the poor quality of the spam he's been receiving:

Are these guys even TRYING? I have some respect for the spam with subject lines such as “From Bob” or “quick question.” Those are good attempts. If I’m not paying attention, I might even open one of those. But who opens a message titled “Re: NEW age of good old PENPILs.Scientists says YES!”?

I would agree that most spam is ridiculously easy to spot - except for Yahoo Spamguard, apparently, which never seems to get any better no matter how many bogus emails I forward to it. I would also agree with the notion that some idiot somewhere will open them, no matter how stupid they are, but what bothers me is not the quality of spam but the quantity of it.

Yesterday, I downloaded this app to my desktop. This morning I had no fewer than forty spam emails at the address I'd given them. When I went to uninstall the program, the first thing that showed up was a survey, asking me why I wanted to get rid of it. The very first listed reason for me to check was "I'm receiving too many unwanted (spam) emails".

Gee, you think?

Sever Me Timbers!

Can this be for real?

Northwest is laying off its customer service workers and baggage handlers at many smaller airports as it reorganizes under bankruptcy protection.

Earlier this month, it sent workers in Bismarck, N.D.; Bozeman, Mont.; and Austin, Texas, a handbook with tips for handling their layoffs. It included 101 money-saving ideas such as, "Don't be shy about pulling something you like out of the trash."

Other tips included using old newspapers for cat litter, asking friends and family for hand-me-down clothes and asking a doctor for free prescription drug samples.

Don't be shy about pulling something you like out of the trash? Whose trash are we talking about? Are they suggesting that their ex-employees go dumpster-diving for scraps of food? Are these people insane?

It sounds like management at Northwest has been sampling a few too many drugs, free or otherwise. Or maybe they're just using old cat litter for brains. (h/t Jane Galt)

Take the Blue Pill

Well, it’s done. And, all things considered, I’m feeling pretty good. Not exactly Walking on Sunshine but not bad, either. There’s some truth to the statement that the preparation is the worst part of the exam. As I noted yesterday, it wasn’t fun. But I do have some words of advice for anyone getting ready for one of these.

When the doctor asks if you want them to make you feel sleepy, say yes.

Now, I like my doctor. He’s a pretty nice guy, considering his line of work, and I believed him when he said they weren’t going to ‘hurt’ me. Even when he had me sign the form relieving him of liability just in case he poked a hole in my colon, which, as he pointed out, almost never happens. So when he gave me the option of undergoing the procedure without using medication, I listened to him.

If they didn’t use drugs, he told me, I’d be able to go home sooner, I’d be able to eat something sooner and I’d be able to watch the whole thing on television. While I was thinking about it, he also mentioned that if I became uncomfortable at any point they could stop and give me something and it would work in about 30 seconds.

I weighed the options. Going home sooner was a definite plus. I’ve never been a big fan of hospitals and my blood pressure was spiking to begin with. On the other hand, watching myself get shtupped by a ten-foot hose on TV was not so big an attraction. But telling a person who has just fasted for a day and a half that they can eat something, well, that’s almost unfair, isn’t it? I said yes.

There were a few, fumbling preliminaries – a brief finger-wave from an intern (the doctor confided that he got the job because he had the biggest fingers) – and then the procedure started. The first part was so smooth, almost seductive, I half expected the nurse to lean down and kiss me. Pictures of my nether regions flashed by on the screen and the doctor was talking quietly – everything was fine. Then they came to the first bend in the road.

Even with the nurse pressing against my stomach I almost jumped off the gurney. Holy shit, I screamed. When did you put that gerbil inside me and how did it get loose? Well, I thought I screamed it. What actually came out of my mouth was “UHHHHHHHH!” And then the pain disappeared. “Okay,” the doctor said, “that’s the first one.”

First one? Give me the meds, you fucking asshole! All right, I didn’t say that, either. For the next fifteen minutes or so, the doctor played Mario Kart in my bowels while the nurse told me to take deep breaths and let them out slowly. And I survived.

The good news is that my colon is looking pretty spiffy. The bad news is that, since I don’t have to have another of these for ten years, I will completely forget what it felt like. But I know this much; when the doctor asks if I want to feel sleepy, I’m gonna say “Give me the blue pill”.

Fun, Fun, Fun

I’m fasting.

Well, not exactly. I’m scheduled tomorrow for one of those exams that require you to, um, cleanse your innards, is probably the best way to put it. You know, it begins with ‘c’ and it ends with ‘py’ and it semi-sorta-kinda rhymes with colostomy. That’s right. One of those exams. The kind you never even had nightmares about until you were old enough to learn the meaning of the word “prostate”.

When I was young and read that word somewhere – in the newspaper, maybe – I always read it as “prostrate”, just as, for years, whenever I came across the word “pubic”, I read it as “public”. Okay, so you’re probably right to question my choice of reading material but, frankly, I think my relative innocence as to the subject matter is somewhat charming. Just as a fear of the boogeyman or the Thing under the bed is charming compared with a fear of the Hallucinating Madman with Nuclear Ambitions and his Incredibly Senile Interviewer, but I digress.

So, I’m fasting. And by fasting, I mean that I’m not partaking of anything solid, seedy, nutty, fatty or red. All that leaves me is water, ginger ale, some juices and broth. Sounds appetizing, doesn’t it? Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. I also have to take two bottles of something that’s designed – according to the instructions – to turn my stool the “consistency and color of urine”.

So yeah, this is fun.

Food for Thought

An even better analogy would be music. As a matter of fact, I employ many musical analogies in the book. As an aside, it’s just amazing how many mysteries of the cosmos are unlocked by the existence of music. I have always been a great music lover, and now I see that, even in my atheistic days, it was one of the things that kept me connected to Spirit, for music is a spiritual transmission, pure and simple. Great music casts a luster of noetic light from one world into this one, somehow riding piggyback on vibrations of air. No one knows how or why this should be so in a species that was simply selected by evolution to hunt for food and sexual partners. Why on earth should vibrating air molecules be beautiful, even to the point of moving one to tears or to ecstasy?

...but the point, of course, is not to study the score but to hear the music. The score is pointless unless it achieves the purpose of making music present. It must be read, performed, and understood experientially, not theoretically. Where was music before humans made it present? Roughly speaking, it was in the same place God is before you make him present. I don’t mean to sound flip, but this is why it is so easy to find God, because the finding is in the seeking. Don’t worry. If you seek earnestly and sincerely, you will soon enough find, just as, if you pick up a guitar and learn a few chords, you will soon be able to play Smoke on the Water. You will be able to start making music present, in however a limited degree. And as you practice, you will be able to make more and more music present–music that would not have existed had you not gone to the trouble of practicing and bringing it into being.

(h/t Dr. Sanity)

Heh

The Devil Eats Nada. (h/t Megan Mcardle - posting at Instapundit)

Notes and Quotes

When the money’s on the line, golf becomes like poker; you can play to win or you can play to not lose. Or, if you don’t have any real idea what the difference is, you can do what most golfers and poker players do: play to lose. The don’t know that’s what they’re doing, but the loss is just as inevitable as if they had drawn four cards to a deuce kicker or used a putter off the tee.

from Fast Greens by Turk Pipkin (love that name!)

Oh, Those Terrible Bloggers!

Via Clive Davis, we get this example of how the legacy media looks at bloggers:

Mr Sifry reckons that about 75,000 new blogs are created every day, ie about one new blog a second. And just to address the gibe that blogs are like Christmas toys - to be played with once and then discarded - he estimates that 13.7 million blogs are still being updated three months after their creation and about 2.7 million people update their blogs at least once a week.

Professional media folk are predictably incredulous about this. Why would anyone write without being paid for doing so? And, besides, who do these people think they are, gaily airing their so-called ‘opinions’? Jean-Remy von Matt, the CEO of a German advertising agency, spoke for many in the media industry when he fired off an enraged email after bloggers had effectively sabotaged one of his advertising campaigns. In the email he called blogs ‘the toilet walls of the internet’. ‘What on earth’, he asked, ‘gives every computer-owner the right to express his opinion, unasked for?’ (emphasis mine)

Now, I have no idea just what the advertising campaign in question is, nor do I know how bloggers could effectively "sabotage" it (although I suspect there's a good story there, if anyone wants to tell it), but the arrogance implicit in von Matt's question reminds me an old Wizard of Id poster I used to have. When the King is informed that the peasants are revolting, he drily comments "They certainly are".

Clearly, von Matt needs a copy of this book.

Of course, at the risk of sounding just like a peasant, I should mention that I've always been a fan of toilet-wall graffiti.

I Call "Bullshit"!

A group of designers, recent recipients of a National Design Award, have written an open letter describing why it is they can't bring themselves to meet with the First Lady:

"Dear Mrs. Bush:

As American designers, we strongly believe our government should support the design profession and applaud the White House sponsorship of the Cooper Hewitt National Design Museum. And as finalists and recipients of the National Design Award in Communication Design we are deeply honored to be selected for this recognition. However, we find ourselves compelled to respectfully decline your invitation to visit the White House on July 10th.

Graphic designers are intimately engaged in the construction of language, both visual and verbal. And while our work often dissects, rearranges, rethinks, questions and plays with language, it is our fundamental belief, and a central tenet of "good" design, that words and images must be used responsibly, especially when the matters articulated are of vital importance to the life of our nation.

We understand that politics often involves high rhetoric and the shading of language for political ends. However it is our belief that the current administration of George W. Bush has used the mass communication of words and images in ways that have seriously harmed the political discourse in America. We therefore feel it would be inconsistent with those values previously stated to accept an award celebrating language and communication, from a representative of an administration that has engaged in a prolonged assault on meaning.

While we have diverse political beliefs, we are united in our rejection of these policies. Through the wide-scale distortion of words (from "Healthy Forests" to "Mission Accomplished") and both the manipulation of media (the photo op) and its suppression (the hidden war casualties), the Bush administration has demonstrated disdain for the responsible use of mass media, language and the intelligence of the American people. (Emphasis mine)

While it may be an insignificant gesture, we stand against these distortions and for the restoration of a civil political dialogue.

The letter was signed by Michael Rock, Susan Sellers, Georgie Stout, Paula Scher and Stefan Sagmeister. "

It's hard to get more disingenuous than this. Instead of just coming out and saying something to the effect of: "We're not coming because we don't like the way your husband is running the coountry", these people have to cloak their protest under the guise of the administration's "demonstrated disdain for the responsible use of mass media, language and the intelligence of the American people".

This is elitist thinking at its finest and when it comes to disdain for the intelligence of the American people, it's clear the President has nothing on the folks at 2X4. We are, of course, nothing but "sheeple", incapable of seeing through the wily disinformation scheme promulgated by the President and his handlers. Even the media is being "manipulated" (all but Fox News, naturally, which is in on the scheme), with information being "suppressed" in the Administration's "prolonged assault on meaning". And here I thought I knew the meaning of the words "sex" and "is".

Oops. Wrong administration, sorry.

My bet is the "diversity" of political belief at 2X4 runs the gamut of Left to Progressive, with a possible pitstop at Hard Left in between. Ironically, when it comes to showing disdain for the use of language, the postscript says it best:

"Another winner, Chip Kidd was also asked to sign the letter, but decided that the gesture may prove inappropriate."

While I applaud Mr. Kidd's decision not to sign the letter, I have to point out that the gesture itself may not prove to be inappropriate. It either is or it isn't. And when it comes to being honest and responsible in the use of language and in communicating exactly what you mean, it clearly isn't.

Help Me Out Here

Do all these books make me look fat? (h/t Rebecca Blood)

Linky-Linky

The Best of the Web is back and they have the best line on the current situation in the Middle East:

Some have criticized Israel for not responding proportionately to the attacks, but we'd counsel patience. After all, the Israelis aren't done yet.

Meanwhile, Scott Adams prepares for marriage by comparing Phone Whores and Phone Assholes at the airport, LAGuy is lamenting the death of the Monkees, Rebecca Blood thinks that Al Jazeera is just misunderstood and Instapunk compares Hillary Clinton and Ronald Reagan.

On the home front, Dr. Sanity offers a new State Slogan for Vermont:

Vermont: Too liberal for the Kennedys

All of which ties in very nicely with this report from the Boston Globe (h/t Best of the Web) regarding the shenanigans of the state Democrats and their attempt to claim Independent (and avowed Socialist) Bernie Sanders for their own.

Apparently, Vermont is not only too liberal for the Kennedys, it's too liberal for the Democratic Party. How far left of Left can you get?

Nobody Knows Anything

In just one more example of William Goldman's famous dictum about Hollywood, actress Kiera Knightley acknowledges that she and co-star Orlando Bloom didn't have a clue about the first "Pirates" movie:

Knightley says it wasn't until she was at the premiere of the first "Pirates" movie with co-star Orlando Bloom that she knew the premise would work.

"Orlando and I were sitting next to each other at the premiere, which was the first time I'd seen it, and we'd had a big talk and decided that if it was awful, we'd still leave the theater all smiles," she said.

Heckuva way to make a living, isn't it?

The first of two sequels opens tomorrow and so far, the reviews have been pretty tepid. Like all sequels, this one suffers from the standpoint of being a known commodity and the usual response from the filmmakers is to up the ante in terms of special effects. Judging from the trailer, that's just what they've done.

For now, I'm sticking with my prediction: Like the Matrix before it, Pirates 2 will open huge but ultimately offer diminishing returns and when Pirates 3 rolls around next Spring, people will be wondering why they ever bothered. I'm seeing it tomorrow - I'll let you know if I change my mind.

Update: Saw it yesterday and liked it a lot - it may, in fact, be the most "fun" movie of the summer. It does have much in common with The Matrix sequels (and the Back to the Future trilogy before that) and that represents both the good and the bad news. The good news is that the writers get to expand the characters (yes, there is character development, even in a movie like this) and tell their story on a much larger canvas, as it were. The bad news is that, with so much screen time (and money) to work with, you run the risk of ending up with a bloated mess.

As usually happens with these things, there's a bit of both in Pirates 2.

The real problem with filming two sequels like this is that you're really telling one story - just stretching it to fit two movies. As such, the first hour of this two and a half-hour sequel drags a bit and probably could have been cut by a third, if not half. However, the payoff it builds to more than makes up for it and the movie leaves you with a powerful hook - I defy anyone to not want to see how this comes out in Part 3.

Yes, the CGI is over the top (especially Davy Jones' crew) and some of it works and some of it doesn't. But it's still Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow who makes the whole thing work. He has created what I would call a new breed of superhero: a heroic buffoon. His Captain Jack is the combining of alter-egos: Superman with horned-rim glasses and a stumbling gait, Batman with a martini in his hand and a blonde on his arm. Believable both in his derring-do and his pratfalls, his lechery and his nobility, his is a character for the ages and worth the price of admission alone.

Go see it. And then mark your calendar for next May.

Confuezing Simpl and Eezy

The AP's Darlene Superville takes a look at a movement to simplify spelling:

"When "say," "they" and "weigh" rhyme, but "bomb," "comb" and "tomb" don't, wuudn't it maek mor sens to spel wurdz the wae thae sound?"

If you found the second half of that sentence more difficult to understand than the first, welcome to the club. For a second example, try this one on for size:

"Americans doen't aulwaez go for whut's eezy — witnes th faeluer of th metric sistem to cach on. But propoenents of simpler speling noet that a smatering of aulterd spelingz hav maed th leep into evrydae ues."

The notion of simplifying the English language is not new - a list of proponents for the idea stretches back to Benjamin Franklin and includes such notables as Teddy Roosevelt, Mark Twain and George Bernard Shaw. Still, the idea has refused to take root, or, as Darlene puts it:

"But for aul th hi-proefiel and skolarly eforts, the iedeea of funy-luuking but simpler spelingz didn't captivaet the masez then — or now."

The reason is that simpler is not always eezyur, er, easier. And while email and text messaging might seem like an ally in this process, the emphasis in communicating on the Internet has always been about speed and space rather than just simplicity. In simplified spelling, some words - like "through" and "enough" - do shrink, but some do not. Hope, for example, becomes "hoep". Some words become even larger: also becomes "aulso".

The real problem with simplified spelling is that, no matter how you slice it, you're still trading one sistem, er, system of language for another. And those of us who have learned - if not mastered - one system won't be easily persuaded to learn another. Unless, of course, all books and newspapers and magazines start to look like this:

"(Andrew) Carnegie, hoo embraest teknolojy, died in in 1919, wel befor sel foenz went maenstreem. Had he livd, he probably wuud hav bin pleezd to no that milyonz of peepl send text and instant mesejez evry dae uezing thair oen formz of simplified speling: "Hav a gr8 day!"

In which case, well, u red it heer furst.

Watch Out for the Fifth on the Fourth

Went into Burlington last night and joined the throngs to watch the fireworks. B-town always has theirs on the 3rd, and just in case you're not sure what I mean by "throngs", the event was supposed to bring an additional 30K bodies to the waterfront. That may not sound like much but when the population of the city (sans students) is only around 35K to start with, it has a locust-like effect. To put it another way, it doesn't matter whether you're surrounded by a thousand cars on the freeway or a tractor and two cows on the back road, it's still a traffic jam.

We normally watch the fireworks from North Beach - a few miles north of downtown - but this year all the rain has raised the water (and pollution) level in the lake and the ferocity level of the mosquitos to a point where body armor and a snorkel are required for even a quick dip so we chose to view them from the waterfront where, hopefully, all the localized body heat would confuse the little buggers. It worked - to a point. It was such an all-you-can-eat buffet that we ended up as snacks rather than entrees.

The best thing about watching the fireworks up close and personal (maybe a half-mile away) was the way the explosions of sound reverberated between the water and the buildings. It made me think of the cannon-fire from the 1812 Overture. Very cool.

Anyway, for those of you who don't have fireworks nearby, here's a wonderful link, courtesy of LAGuy. Enjoy and Happy 4th!

Everyone's Wild About Harry

There is a lot of Harry Potter talk going round the Internet these days, thanks mostly to an interview that J.K. Rowling did on British Television recently. In the interview, Rowling says that she’s “well on the way” to finishing the seventh – and last – HP book and that the ending, which she first wrote back in 1990, has changed “very slightly”.

Apparently, one character that was slated to die has gotten a reprieve while two others have unexpectedly gotten the ax: “…two die that I didn’t intend to die,” she said, and added, “A price has to be paid. We are dealing with pure evil here. They don’t target extras, do they?” Clearly, this woman has never watched much Star Trek.

Of greater import, she dodged the question of whether one of the victims would be Harry himself. While admitting that she understood the mentality behind killing off the main character in a series, she refused to speculate, saying “I don’t want the hate mail, apart from everything else”.

Well, as Tom Maguire would say. And speaking of Tom, his opinions on the subject are here. I’m not sure that I agree with all of his predictions but I will lay money that he’s right about the release date of the seventh book, especially since the release date of the fifth movie is now scheduled six days later. Meanwhile, Dr. Sanity pleads for Harry’s survival while The Anchoress argues that surviving Voldemort might not be Harry’s biggest challenge:

“And Harry…I can see him surviving the series - everyone wants to see Harry, Hermione and Ron live happily ever after - but what would the rest of Harry’s life be like? Perhaps he’d teach Defense Against the Dark Arts…but Voldemort vanquished it would all seem pretty pedestrian to him wouldn’t it? And rather purposeless? His parents would still be dead. Dumbledore, dead. Possibly Hagrid, dead. One or several Weasleys dead. Ron and Hermione probably wed.”

She compares HP with Hamlet and continues:

“Here is the interesting question…when a life has been lived with a sense of deep mission - as in either Hamlet’s or Harry’s case - and that mission has been fulfilled, what is the purpose of the life, thereafter? If the 18 year old Harry (or a 20-something year old Hamlet) have accomplished their goal, the thing that has driven them and given their whole life meaning and purpose, are we supposed to believe they can ever rest easy in a sort of “busywork” retirement? Perhaps this is why monarchs, old generals, popes, entrepreneurs, mother-hung rock stars and CBS newsmen can never willingly retire and live out their days. Without their sense of mission, life has no thrust and parry, no vivacity, no purpose.”

I don’t think anyone would want to read about Harry in his declining years – just as I don’t think anyone other than perhaps George Lucas would really care to read about Harry’s early years with the Dursleys. Rowling, or whomever, would have to come up with a new mission for him, something equal to the vanquishing of pure evil, and The Revenge of the White Ferret just won’t do.

Still, it is fun to speculate. But perhaps, as the Anchoress suggests, the best thing is simply to go back and re-read books 1-6 or, if you prefer, watch movies 1-4. You can never have too much Harry and 7/7/07 is still a year away.

I Had No Idea

It seems you really can get anything at Costco.

Required Reading

I added a new blog to my blogroll this morning. It's called Creating Passionate Users and though it lists several people as contributors, it seems to be primarily the brainchild of Kathy Sierra. I discovered it initially by linking to this post, which encouraged me to poke around and check out some of her previous posts. Since then, I've been a regular visitor. If I hadn't been waylaid by the move from hell, I would have added it to my blogroll before now.

Her recent post about her near-death experience a year ago and her subsequent link to this post at another site made a huge impresion on me. I find the site consistently interesting and definitely worth my time and I hope you will, too.

On a related note, it must seem strange for a small blog like this one to be recommending people to a larger blog that has far more viewers than I do. Sort of like the tail wagging the dog, so to speak. Well, I look at it this way: the Internet - and the blogging portion of it - is huge; so huge that, no matter how much of it you see, there's always much more that you can't see. And if you should somehow stumble across my little portion of it, the least I can do - other than hopefully making your time here worthwhile - is direct you to other places you might find of interest.

Think of it as a karmic exercise.

Speaking of Perspective

This kind of takes the cake, doesn't it?

Meanwhile

Scott Adams definitely has the right idea for dealing with household ants. Our new place was infested with them and I've lost count of the number I've sent to ant heaven.

Although I do have to say I think he's going a bit too far when he compares cat poop to finding nuggets of gold.

While I Was Away

Okay, so I know a lot of interesting and potentially life-altering things happened while I was otherwise engaged but surely none of them were more important than this. Or this. Or maybe this. Or perhaps this.

I mean, there are so many things going on in the world these days, it helps to have a sense of perspective, right?

Right?

In Case You Were Wondering

No, I haven't disappeared. We've been moving the last few weeks - always a wonderful chore - Internet access has been spotty and the blogging inclination slight. This is our first move in ten years and it's been a monster.

Tomorrow, it's off to Virginia for a Father's Day Memorial Service for my dad, who passed away last October. I'll be back in about a week, hopefully, and later this month I expect blogging to resume.

Just in case anyone was wondering...

The "I" Word

I hope this story is true. Not because it appears that the search of Congressman William Jefferson’s office was conducted properly, and not because it appears that the howls of protest from Congress about the search have no basis in fact, and not because – as the Professor notes – this “vigorous” reaction from Congress may mean that there’s more going on here than meets the eye.

No, I hope the story is true because it will mean that these three men – the highest ranking law enforcement officials in the country – possess something that seems to have disappeared from political discourse these days. Unlike the Mary McCarthy’s of the CIA, who prefer to stay in the shadows and leak classified information, or the retired Military Generals, who criticize the current administration’s handling of the war effort from the safety of their armchairs, without fear of personal consequences, these three men are putting their jobs publicly on the line for something they believe in.

And that means they possess something the rest of the political world could use a massive dose of right now. Integrity.

That’s why I hope this story is true.

Doom and Gloom

Things have been gloomy here for the past week - clouds and showers almost every day - and there appears to be no relief in sight until the middle of next week. May is such a treacherous month. It opens like a flower, soft and beautiful, welcoming you into its bosom after a long, hard winter (yes, I know spring is supposed to start in March but up here you take spring when you can get it) and just when you begin to relax and enjoy the warmth and the extra hours of sun, it snaps to like a Marine D.I. and yells, "Drop and give me twenty, you maggots!"

Twenty days of rain, that is. Luckily, we haven't had any flooding in the area but I understand that in parts of New Hampshire and Mass, the Ark business is picking up. Yesterday, we were given a brief respite as the sun came out for several hours. Of course, after the sun went down the clouds rolled back in and we had our first boomer of the season, with thunder and lightning so close it seemed like a scene from War of the Worlds.

Maybe God is protesting the opening of The Da Vinci Code.

Anyway, I have been trudging through the sog this last week house hunting and all in all, it's been pretty discouraging. We're currently in a duplex and after ten years of sharing a wall and all that goes with it (including cigarette smoke - apparently our landlord rents to smokers but only if they agree to smoke outside. So when they go outside and light up - especially in the spring and summer when all the windows are open - all the smoke floats up and drifts into our half of the building and, well, let me just say that if I wanted to live with a smoker, I'd live with a smoker, you know what I mean?) we would really like to have a free-standing house. Of course, we're not in a position to buy one - not with me being out of work and all - so we're looking to rent (and even that becomes somewhat problematical when the prospective landlord asks what you do for a living).

First of all, let me just say that Vermont takes a back seat to no one when it comes to overpriced housing - both rental and purchasing. Granted, the prices drop a bit as you leave the Champlain Valley but then you are faced with higher transportation costs and fewer amenities. Now, there is a school of thought that says that you're not really living in Vermont if you're living in anything larger than a town - the idea being, I guess, that civilization and Vermont are mutually exclusive terms - but that's a discussion for another post, I think. Ideally, I would like to live outside of the city but close enough to commute to it without major issues, especially in winter. Consequently, our search has encompassed an area up to twenty or thirty miles outside of Burlington proper.

In spite of that, we have found relatively few places that we feel we can both live in and afford. The price range has been from $1000 to over $2500 a month and I've been left wondering just what kind of work a person can do in this area to be able to afford $2000 or more a month for a rental. I'm trying to keep it under $1500 (which represents a 50% increase over what we're currently paying) and it hasn't been easy.

The other problem is that the whole business of renting a place has become such a dog and pony show. In order to qualify for a roof and four walls, you have to run through a gamut of credit checks, references, paystubs and blood samples. Okay, I'm kidding about the last one. I think. Now I understand if a landlord is going to give me the opportunity to trash his place, he has the right to know a little bit about me first. Personally, I think it ought to cut both ways but I seem to be in the minority on that. And when I look at the neighbors I've had to put up with for the last five years - all of whom seem to have come straight from Assholes Anonymous - it seems more than a little petty for a landlord to refuse me because I don't happen to have a job at the moment or because I was thirty days late on my car payment two years ago.

The truth is, as long as you pay your rent on time, it doesn't matter how many times your neighbor has to call 911 in order to get some sleep. Unless, of course, your neighbor is your landlord.

For the moment, each day is the same: check out the listings in the paper and compare with the listings online, call people to make appointments to go see places that look interesting, talk to real estate agents to see if they know of places that aren't being listed, and wait to hear back from people you've already spoken to and filled out applications for. Oh yeah, and at the same time, find a job. It's fun. Really.

One other thing to add to the mix - and you might want to stop reading at this point if you're in the middle of eating - I am currently undergoing my first physical in several years and I can tell you with utmost certainty that there are two words no one ever wants to hear in a doctor's office (or anywhere else, for that matter). Those words are (don't say I didn't warn you!) "Juicy" and "Hemorrhoid". When you add the word "Internal" and make the aforementioned noun plural, you have what I call JIHs, which I have been dealing with the treatment of for the past week. I'll spare you the bloody details and sum it up this way:

Ouch. To the nth degree.

Data Mining

No, not the NSA program that's all over the news (and the blogosphere) today. This one is more personal and much more dangerous. (h/t The Bradlands and Rebecca Blood)

Creativity

I was reading a blurb on Paul Simon’s new album Surprise and was interested to learn that he does much of his songwriting in the car:

“…I like to drive, listen to music, and write. I like the nearness of the speakers and the solitude of the empty car. It's easier to improvise melody when the scenery is constantly changing and I'm not likely to drive anyone crazy playing the same song for an hour at a time.”

I can relate to this because I will often listen to the same CD (not the same song, thank God – that would probably drive even me crazy) over and over again, sometimes for weeks at a time and I think it does have something to do with the creative process. When I’m writing fiction, I prefer to have a completely benign environment, both internally and externally. If I’m going to be productive at all, I need to be able to put my mind in a place where I can concentrate on the task at hand, with no distractions or interruptions. This is often easier said than done.

Focusing on one, particular thing can be very difficult, especially when your mind has all the discipline of an ADD child off his meds. Let me insert here a quick confession of sorts: Writing, for me, is a lot like exercise. I always feel better for having done it, but I can’t say I always find the process itself enjoyable. Oh, it happens, of course. When I was writing my second novel, chunks of time just vanished while I was in the flow. Sadly, flow doesn’t show up as often as her cousin “ebb” and when ebb is at the wheel, writing is a painful and discouraging act.

So painful and discouraging, in fact, that it can be difficult to summon the energy to do it at all (hence my last post). Now, I’ve read enough books by and about writing to know that I’m not alone in this. If there’s one thing most writers seem to have in common it’s that we’re all first-class procrastinators. Like other writers, I’ve come up with myriad ways to get myself to write. One way that seems to work consistently is to offer myself a bribe of sorts.

I’ll tell myself that if I will only sit down in front of the computer – leaving email and the Internet alone, mind you – and leave just the faintest possibility open that I might actually, you know, write something (no pressure), then as a reward I can listen to the CD of my choice. The upshot of this, other than making me sound certifiably crazy, is that I will be sitting in front of the computer, listening to music. And at first, that’s all I’ll be doing. I may doodle a little, writing a few lines as things pop into my head. I may stare out the window while I listen. But always I keep coming back to the blank screen.

After it plays through once, I’ll turn it on again. If it’s morning, maybe I’ll grab another cup of coffee. Gradually, as time wears on, the music will switch from foreground to background and the words on the screen will start to take on the shape of whatever is percolating in my subconscious. It may take two or even three turns of the CD to do get me to this point and if this seems like a convoluted way to create the proper mood for me to write something, I won’t argue with you. I’m just telling you what works for me. If you’ve got a better method, then God bless.

The good news is that the next time I sit down to write – hopefully, the next day – the process doesn’t take as long to work. And pretty soon, if I continue to find the time to sit and write each day, the ritual becomes set and all I have to do is turn on the music and I’m gone. So when Paul Simon says that he likes to take a drive and create in the car while listening to the same song over and over, I’m right there, man. I can dig it.

Now if I can just figure out how he manages to drive the car and write at the same time.

Quote of the Week

“Never be frightened by those you assume have more talent than you do, because in the end energy will prevail. My formula is: energy plus talent and you are a king; energy and no talent and you are still a prince; talent and no energy and you are a pauper.” -- Jeffrey Archer

This makes me wonder what the no talent and no energy formula would qualify you for: I would so like to know what my category is.

Okay. The Pity-Party is over. Back to work.

Cultural Currency

Over at Roger Ebert's site, we find Cinepad's Jim Emerson and his list of the 102 movies you must see before you can be considered "movie-literate". I'm not sure I'd agree (where's LAGuy when you need him?) but since I've seen more than half the movies on his list, I guess you could consider me semi-literate. Here's the list. (h/t Rebecca Blood)

How many have you seen?

Yes, I know. I've been on a movie-posting kick. This will be the last one for awhile.

Endings

I watched this movie last night. It's the kind of movie I love, filled with twists and turns and noirish shades of good and evil. The reviews had been good, it had good people in it (having the next James Bond didn't hurt any) and I had been looking forward to seeing it.

And, all things considered, it lived up to my expectations. The story was great, filled with wonderful dialogue (although the English and the Irish sometimes tend to swallow their words so you have to listen closely or used subtitles, if you have them), lots of plot twists (some of them shocking and some a little confusing - you might have to watch it a couple of times to feel like you caught everything) and, as every noir film should have, a wonderfully dishy female.

All in all, the film was a wonderful ride and I enjoyed it immensely. Right up til the ending. Now, if you haven't seen the movie, I'm not going to give anything away (no spoilers!) but for me, the ending completely changed my feelings about it. Up til that point, this was a movie I wanted to own and watch again and again. And suddenly, it became one of those movies where you say "Okay, I've seen it and I liked it but I don't need to see it again".

Now, you want to hear something crazy? The ending is perfect. It's fully justified by the events of the story and it works beautifully; in a dark, convoluted movie like this one, it's a twist you should see coming but don't (or at least, I didn't). So why did it change everything for me?

Because it's not the ending I wanted.

In his wonderful book Adventures in the Screen Trade, William Goldman says rather succinctly, "Endings, frankly, are a bitch". In the same book, Paul Newman says that the last fifteen minutes are the most important in a movie, meaning, I think, that the ending ultimately determines whether you will or won't like a movie. Endings are what create good or bad word of mouth. In this case, my word of mouth would be to rent or watch it, if dark, noirish stuff is your kind of movie. And then I'd ask you to tell me what you thought. But you won't find it in my DVD case at home.

And maybe that says more about me than it does the movie.

Summer Flicks

Over at Pajama Guy, LAGuy is talking about movies (big surprise, right?) with, among other things, a look at the opening day's gross take for MI-III. With that in mind, let's look at some of the other big movies opening this summer and see what's expected of them. Both Premiere and EW have posted their prospective top ten's and they're both pretty interesting lists.

Premiere

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Superman Returns
Cars
X-Men: The Last Stand
MI-III
Over the Hedge
The DaVinci Code
Click
Miami Vice
You, Me and Dupree

EW

Superman Returns
MI-III
X-Men
Cars
The DaVinci Code
Pirates
Over the Hedge
Poseidon
The Break-Up
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

They also give projected grosses, which I know everyone in Hollywood cares about but I don't, so I'm not going to bother with those. Anyway, let's take a look at those lists for a moment. The first seven flicks are the same on both lists, although they're ranked differently. EW doesn't think Pirates is going to do as good as Premiere does and Premiere thinks that MI-III will do better than EW does and neither one of them are quite sure how well DaVinci will do but other than that, the first seven are pretty much locked in for both publications. After that is where it gets interesting.

Poseidon and Miami Vice are two well-known productions with huge budgets to recoup and big question marks attached. With Poseidon, the first question is “Why?” And well, okay, that’s also the second, third and fourth question, too. Unfortunately, I can’t think of a good answer. Maybe the producers are trying to recreate the perfect storm of the summer of ’72, when a war was raging and gas prices were soaring and people were into big disaster flicks but, personally, I wouldn’t bet on it.

As for Miami Vice, well, let’s hear what (creator) Michael Mann has to say about it: “The last thing I would have been interested in was just doing a remake,” he’s quoted as saying in EW. “We’re doing Miami Vice as if there never had been a television series, doing it real.” While I can understand why Mann would want to lose certain, um, aspects of the original series (there are a bunch of things about the ‘80’s I’d just as soon forget myself), is it possible to take a show that was so emblematic of its time and place and disregard much of what made it popular in the first place? Get ready for the Miami Vice you never knew and loved, sort of like an Oreo version of Bad Boys.

Two of the other flicks on the list (Click and Talladega Nights) are the latest comedies from two stars (Adam Sandler and Will Ferrell) that on paper, at least, seem to play to their strengths; in Click, Sandler finds a remote that allows him to change reality and in Nights, Ferrell plays an ace NASCAR driver who has to contend with a foreign Formula 1 driver crowding his territory. No doubt untold wackiness will ensue. Now, I have to be honest and admit that I'm not a big fan of low-brow comedy. Well, okay, that's not completely true, either. I loved Airplane and the first Scary Movie so maybe I just have to be in the right mood. And, interestingly enough, whenever Sandler or Ferrell are on the screen, I'm not - in the right mood, that is. Anyway, based solely on the blurbs in each magazine, I'll give Click the nod here. The writers did pretty well with Bruce Almighty and besides, any movie with Christopher Walken is always worth a try.

The last two movies are clearly reaches, like tenth round picks in the NFL draft. If either one pulls through then great, if not, well, that’s what tenth round picks are for. Both choices are directly the result of last year’s summer surprise, The Wedding Crashers. Call it the Owen Vaughn connection. Vince Vaughn was one of the stars of the aforementioned Wedding Crashers and he’s also one of the stars of The Break-Up, opposite his current (possibly) amour, Jennifer Aniston. Owen Wilson, also one of the stars of The Wedding Crashers, is starring in You, Me and Dupree, which sounds suspiciously like a Steely Dan song. The problem here is that Wilson and Vaughn are not starring the same movie so the producers are hoping that the two of them can strike lightning again, only this time separately. Will it happen? Again, I wouldn’t bet on it. There will, no doubt, be a couple of surprises this summer, but chalk these two up to William Goldman’s famous “Non-Recurring Phenomenon”.

So, what would I pick? Glad you asked.

First of all, I’m going to stick with the top seven picks of both magazines. Granted, there’s always the possibility that a movie outside the top seven may over-perform (or one of the seven may under-perform, which is what MI-III appears to have done this weekend) but I would agree that those are the seven to beat. Also, I’m not going to predict box-office because, as I mentioned before, how much a movie makes doesn’t mean diddly to me. I do wonder just what they’ve been smoking at EW, though. They pick six of the movies to make $200 million or more. If they’re talking domestic gross, I don’t think that’s happened before. Anyway, for what it’s worth, here’s my list:

Superman Returns
The DaVinci Code
Cars
X-Men: The Last Stand
Over the Hedge
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
MI-III (this one’s a cheat, I know)
Snakes on a Plane
Lady in the Water
Little Miss Sunshine

So there you have it. If I’m right, well, you read it here first. If not, there’s always William Goldman’s other famous dictum: “Nobody Knows Anything”.

Just Try and Force Me

It seems that George Lucas has given in to fan demand or maybe he just wants to make a run at Bill Gates as the richest gazillionaire on the planet but he is finally releasing the original three Star Wars movies on DVD in their original form. Pardon me if this fails to generate a big whoop.

As it so happens, I have the original movies on VHS - unaltered - and frankly, had little or no desire to purchase the digitally tweaked versions when they came out in 2004. The new (old?) ones will be available individually in 2-disc sets that include a copy of the tweaked one with it (why? So some hopeless geeks can set up two TV's and watch them side-by-side?). Apparently, they will not be released as a box set and will only be available from Sept 12 - Dec 31.

Now, I wouldn't mind having the original movies on DVD and this will probably be my only chance to get them, but I have to say my enthusiasm is not what it was. For me, Lucas has used up a lot of capital with his technically stunning but emotionally stunted newer films (SW I-III) and I'm not sure if it's worth my time or money.

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.