On Second Thought

It’s interesting to read peoples opinions on the war in Iraq, especially those that start with “I supported the war”, always followed by a ‘but’ and then a criticism. The qualifier (I supported the war) implies a number of things: first, that we are all divided into camps (or teams) of supporters and um, non-supporters. Second, it implies – being in one camp or the other – your opinion will necessarily carry a certain amount of weight within each camp. Third, it suggests, by now switching camps, your opinion should somehow carry more weight than it originally did.

Let me try a sports analogy and see if it works: I supported the Yankees but now I’m a Red Sox fan. What’s missing here is the all-important set of ellipses (…) between but and now – the reason why I’ve switched my allegiance. All things considered, I believe the reason itself is immaterial. I could, for example, have changed my mind because I dislike George Steinbrenner or because I think Fenway is a nicer ballpark. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter.

What does matter is that I thought about it.

Instead of succumbing to blind emotion or outside manipulation, I actually sat down (well, the sitting down part is optional) and used my brain to decide how I felt about it. And, in doing so, I changed my mind! (Isn’t that a wonderful expression? I changed my mind. Kinda reminds me of some of the other things I should be changing about now, like my oil, winter tires, storm windows, etc., but I digress.)

Now, even though they may not agree with my thoughts, I think most people agree (in theory, at least) with the concept of my having some. Someone once said, “2% of the people think, 3% think they think, and 95% would rather die than think”. And the idea that I’ve actually thought about something first before opening my mouth about it does, in fact, deserve some props. It’s also the reason why so many people ask “Have you really thought about that?” whenever I say something. Bastards.

It’s nice to be thought of as a thinker. It tends to increase your stature in the community. However, vocalizing your thoughts – or writing them down for others to look at – is a good way to get yourself into trouble because it leads to criticism. This is one of the reasons why politicians rarely say what they’re actually thinking and also why so many Great Thinkers of the past waited until they were dead to have their Private Thoughts published. There’s something about having your innards gnawed on by worms that seems to take away the sting of being called a “Poopyhead”.

If you’re regarded as a thinker, one of the surest ways to court criticism is to change your mind about something. People want to know why and this is a trap to be avoided at all costs. Giving a reason for changing your mind means that you have to reveal the thinking process that went into making the decision. For some inexplicable reason, people expect this to be logical and easy to understand, as though you were solving the square root of a hypotenuse triangle. But that’s not how thinking works; when you think, you often travel from point A to the corner of Sunset and Vine with no real understanding of how you made the trip, all the while knowing that you’re absolutely correct to be there. This is why reasons are immaterial. The only thing people are going to do with a reason is try to shoot holes in it.

Luckily, there exists a plausible method whereby you can change your mind and not give a reason for it. The generic, non-judgmental (and wonderfully non-specific) way to change your mind without saying why is to say “on second thought”. To illustrate, let’s go back to my example: I supported the Yankees but on second thought now I’m a Red Sox fan. This implies that A) there was a first thought, B) I’ve now changed it, and C) the new thought is better than the first one. (It’s New and Improved!) Second thoughts are generally regarded as better than most first thoughts and this is why the use of the qualifier is so important. It suggests that I’ve grown, that I’ve matured; in essence it says that I’m now smarter than I used to be and that’s why what I say should be taken seriously.

Of course, we still have two camps and if you’re solidly in the Yankee fold, I’m sure your view of my newfound insight and maturity is that I’m now just another Poopyhead – and a traitorous one, at that. Which, now that I think about it, is just fine with me.

Because, on second thought, I’d really rather watch golf.