Can't or Won't?

I saw this at Kate’s site and rather than leave a long comment there, I thought I’d post about it. I could probably do an ongoing series on the subject – and who knows, I might – but today I want to focus on the first thing that came to mind when I saw it.

For me, when I see the word “impossible”, it means “I can’t”.

Now, for all of us, there are things in life we can’t do. I can’t, for example, run the hundred yard dash in less than 10 seconds. I can’t dunk a basketball. I can’t jump from here to the moon. For you it might be something different. For most of us, however, “I can’t” is just a substitute for “I won’t”, or perhaps “I don’t want to”.

“I can’t” is like a get out of jail free card. It absolves us of all responsibility. It’s bigger than we are. Stronger, too. It’s something we just can’t fight. And it manifests in our lives on a daily basis in ways big and small.

Ultimately, “I can’t” is a cop-out, a rationalization about all the things we deal with in life that are beyond us. And to paraphrase a line from The Big Chill, just try getting through a single day without several juicy rationalizations. “I can’t” is our mantra and eventually, it becomes the prism through which we define ourselves.

One of the first steps toward doing the impossible is to take ownership of “I can’t”. When “I can’t” becomes “I won’t” or “I don’t want to”, then it becomes personal and honest. “I can’t” doesn’t need a reason. “I won’t” or “I don’t want to” require one.

“I won’t”. Why not? “Well, I just don’t want to”. Sure, I get that. But why don’t you want to?

You see? “I can’t” lets you off the hook. The others require an explanation – even if it’s only to yourself. Once you know the reason – the why – then you have something to work with.

And something to work with is something you CAN change.